Saturday, March 18, 2006

Going All The Way - 100


Percent. That's the amount of devotion that is ideal for everything you put yourself into. Any amount less, will yield a less complete result. It's waking up every morning and saying "YES" to your day. That kind of commitment means work, and sometimes boredom. Yet at the same time, it also means fulfillment. When you make that kind of commitment, you get the results you want. You can achieve nothing less - be it your relationships, your work, working out, or reading more on a daily basis. This is the difference. This is the difference between 100 and 50. When you commit only 50% of the time, you get half of the results. It's a waste of your time to do something half-way, and it's a waste of other people's time. If it's one thing that I've learned this year, that could be the lesson for my year, it is this. Go all the way, or don't do it.


This was reflected in my surgery. I committed to doing it. I wanted results. I have followed my surgeon's instructions. I WANT a PERFECT bite, nothing less. I have stayed in Americorps, after some suffering, because I chose this. I signed a contract and I said I would do it, and so I have. Now, I would not trade the experience for anything. I made the right decision. Because of my commitment to my friends, when I need them the most, they're there. I am glad that I didn't ditch them, or let the relationships be half-way. I made a promise to myself that I would only pursue education that would allow me to make a difference in the world politically and socially. I am not enrolling in just any program, but my ideal program which found me rather than me having to find it. If you make the commitment, you reap the benefits of your commitment.

It took me this year to really understand this. I had an international friend in college who explained this lesson to me before I was able to articulate such a concept. I asked him about his relationship to his girlfriend. This woman was the first woman he had ever dated, and in his estimation would become his wife (of which I have little doubt, if she has as much commitment to him as he does her). I asked him a naive question - whether or not he would marry her, whether or not he would date other people. He explained, his ships had sailed, landed, and he had burned them. There was no going back. This was his choice. He made it. He was sticking by it. At the time I couldn't understand. This young, beautiful, intelligent man was only going to date one person ever?! Of course, he knew something that I did not. He was committed, and commitment yields beautiful fruits. Now that I am older, and have gone through the experiences of the past year, I realized the truth of his explanation.

Unfortunately, commitment is not easy. It may be simple, but it is not easy. Let's revisit my plumeria. Sometimes I am tempted to go down other paths, there are many beautiful flowers. One of my friends recently asked me, "When are you going to get over him?" Even if I could get over him, that is a mute point. I burned my ships. I made that decision a long time ago. I've stuck to it. I've waffled sometimes, some people have provided convincing arguments against my choice, and others have tempted me away from my choice. In the end however, the arguments are flawed and the temptations are rotten. The only thing remaining is the person I chose.

Maybe the other people are not as committed. Maybe some other factor gets in the way to prevent fruits from ripening. How many times does commitment lead to ruin versus times everything goes right? It's not worth considering. It doesn't matter. But even if it did, commitment is a very persuasive thing. You can't push it aside. If someone is committed to you, you know it. It's clear. You wake up, and you know. You go to sleep, and you know. It's very rare that commitment leads to some place gone awry.

The lesson - be committed to the things you do. Don't go half-way, because then you'll be short-changing yourself and those around you. Go all the way. Give 100% all the time. The results are worth working for.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Night Of The Blended Blob - Jaws 3


This past Tuesday brought me to my soft food diet. Mmmm. Yummy. Actually, softfood includes things like lasagna, rice and beans, chile relleno, eggs, banana bread (without a stiff outside), sandwich bread, peanut butter and jelly, baked potatoes, and the list goes on. They say the possibilities are endless, and the reality is that I have a lot more options now than I did previously. Milkshakes are actually appealing. I just hope this change doesn't cause me to balloon up. I like being 138. I'd like to stay in that range.

Yet, it's still strange. You don't think about the sensation of food between your teeth when you have always been able to chew (or atleast for as long as you can remember). Maxo-facial surgery actually forces you to relearn how to chew (!!!). It feels odd once you have that bit of flaky fish in between your molars. It feels alien. It can't belong there, but it does, and it always has. The change in textures is LOVELY. The ability to use utensils...really makes you feel like you're part of society again. You don't really appreciate the use of a fork until you can't use it (although I guess some parts of the world could care less, as an American it was a big deal).

Finally I am seperated from the blender! Granted, I can't eat delectable things such as coleslaw (cabbages being a little on the tough side), but the movement from blended poultry is really a plus. Tamales filled with flaked pig muscle is a great change (to be perfectly graphic).

Now I just have to bring the rest of my life back into balance and I should be okay. Food, check. Organized room... uh...not yet. Americorps hours back to normal, um...check BACK later. Exercise regimen, yeah...we'll get there. Right. Well, at least one thing is pseudo-normal about my current schedule. Equilibrium is such a fine thing in that it always comes back. It's just a matter of time...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Mundane


No one mentions that a handmade telescope
From a first grader can feel so warm
Even after the adhesive smears inside your bag...


Or how the description of divine inspired color
Between sunset and dusty ground
Lights up your eyes.

How much I miss on a daily basis!

I don't stop to listen to the music
Of a kitsch woodland creature fountain
Or sparks reflecting off bottles
Of deep hued perfumes.

...the snowing that goes on
My shelves everyday
And the over excited barking
Of my packmates nextdoor.

So sharply subtle...
I feel it all and put none to paper!
Instead I push my tongue against my molar
Sit at the keys to play one more hand.