Put down your weapon. Step away...

So much has been happening that has made me reconsider just what I am doing in this world. There is so much violence. Violence is all pervasive in our culture, in our society, and in our world. When did it become okay to show countless murders in movies and rate them PG-13 while a single sex scene with a bit of nudity renders a movie R?! What about videogames? Some people might think that first person shooters are entirely fine for kids to be playing. That might be okay if you're game involves shooting bottles, but by creating human targets it's a short step to shooting real people psychologically.

I began to think about it more in depth as the Israeli-Lebanese conflict escalated. I thought about the effects violence has as I was listening to gangster rap. Listening to the depricating comments and abusive language people so often use both at themselves and others makes me wonder how we got to this place. Why is violence so socially acceptable? Why have people become so desensitized that they think it's okay to throw out Just War theory? Why is it okay to punch your friend as you see a car go by with a different state's plate?

Some people might say I am being too sensitive. They might say I am being ridiculous to point at these things and draw connections between them. The fact remains that everything we do, say, think, affects how we think about the world and how we interact with our environment. When we condone violence in our everyday lives, it makes it easier for us to commit atrocities on foreign soil, and the same could be said in reverse. Yet, we no longer care about the evils committed by our soldiers like Abu Ghraib. Once was enough.

I urge you to rethink what you watch and listen to. I urge you to rethink what games you or your children or friends might play. I urge you to rethink the words you use on a daily basis. I want a world of peace. Peace starts in the heart, not out there. Peace starts with you and with me, and is spread through our compassionate actions.

Friend Survey

I have decided to write a book about friendship. I made this decision based on conversations I had with various people, observations of people, as well as my own experiences. The book is primarily for people who have recently come into the 'real world.' So 20 somethings who find themselves in a strange city with few or no connections. I've sent out a survey to some of my immediate contacts, but if you know of anyone who might be interested in taking the survey and being part of this work (perhaps even getting their friendship story in a book), please drop a line through the comment shoot (or read on for further possibilities).

As I go through the process I will keep people updated. I also intend to maintain some kind of dialogue with those who respond to my survey. Any questions regarding the survey or the project I will by any means entertain. I will not include any contact information in the published work, nor will I include your name. The survey is for informational purposes only.

It is divided into three short parts which will take a total of perhaps 15-20 minutes of your time. Below you will find the first part of the survey:

1. Male or Female:
2. How old are you:
3a. In what city and state do you live?
3b. This is your __hometown __college town __summer experience __job location
4a. Approximately how many acquaintances do you have (in the city where you live)?
__0-10 ___11-25 ___26-50 ___51-75 ___76-100 ___100+

4b. Approximately how many of those acquaintances do you interact with on a weekly basis?

4c. You met them primarily because they are (choose one)
__ co-workers
__ connections through friends
__ involved in same activity groups
__ neighbors
__ members of the same religious organization
__ other (explain)

5a. Approximately how many comrades/associates do you have (in the city where you live)?
___ 0-4 ___5-10 ___11-25 ___ 26-40 ___ 41-60

5b. Approximately how many of those comrades/associates do you interact with on a weekly basis?

5c. You met them primarily because they are (choose one)
__co-workers
__ connections through friends
__ involved in same activity groups
__ neighbors
__ members of the same religious organization
__ other (explain)

6a. Approximately how many friends do you have (in the city where you live)?
___0 ___ 1-5 ___ 6-10 ___ 11-15 ___ 16-20 ___ 21-30 ___ 31-50

6b. How many of those friends do you interact with on a weekly basis?

6c. Of those friends, how many of them are close friends/confidantes?

6d. Please explain when, where, and how you met them.

7a. Have you ever placed a personal ad online? __yes __no
7b. Have you ever used craigslist? ___yes ___no
7c. If so, for what purpose?

7d. Have you ever used meet-up.com? ___yes ___no
7e. If so, for what purpose?

***********************************

You may either copy and paste it into the comment section (which does remain anonymous if you so choose) OR you may email your serious response to me at: alexis.tara@gmail.com

I will post the second and third parts of the survey up for you to do at your leisure if anyone chooses to take part in the survey via comment. Otherwise I will email you the second and third portions within 2-3 days of your email.

Thank you so much for your participation!!

Thinking Sea

It's been some time since I've posted. How does life get away from you? Quite easily. Americorps is coming to an end. Youth pastoring came to an end. These are just some random thoughts that are floating around my head. Some are quotes, some are mine, some are something else altogether. If you recognize any, drop a line and you get points.

Someone once told me love is friendship on fire.

The glass is always full.

The song you like the most is the one you can never completely remember and you never completely forget.

What grade did you get in your class? A middle C.

Writing things down to remember later is key.

Waiting is the hardest part.

Whenever you're tempted, if you think of some combination of God and what you really want, you're no longer tempted.

There are many kinds of love, friendship being one of the best.

Just wait for me. Don't come looking for me, just wait. Meet me at the lake.

When you find the right thing, everything else fits together... it all falls into place... mountains are mole hills.

Peace comes to a clean house.

The unexpected is neither good nor bad, only fun.

Why deny what comes naturally?

Generally the things that are hard are also right.

I'll be running up that road, make a deal with God, ask him to swap our places.

Looking at her from across the room... smiling at everything they do.

Is she gonna marry him?
What do you think?
I think she's waiting for the next thing around the corner.

We're on a mission from God.

I don't know what I'll say, or who I'll say it to, all I know is I'm saying.

This has been a year long week...there's been several in the past month.

Sensuous up, can you bring me a beer?

The blood must have rushed out of his hands...settled in his arms somewhere. That's why they looked painted. They looked almost translucent, like they were meant to.

I'm supposed to be alive right now.

This is the beginning of something wonderful.

The Last Decision - Choose Life

I had a long week. I went to Berkeley to visit my love interest this past weekend. That was wonderful. He is wonderful.

Unfortunately my grandfather passed that Saturday morning. It was strange being apart from my family when it happened. All the same, it was nice to be there of all the other possible places I could be (he consistently makes me smile). So instead of flying back to Santa Barbara, I flew to Pittsburgh for a funeral and a week fewer of Americorps hours. I couldn't help thinking, why does death have to be so complicated?

It shouldn't be. In many ways, I feel like death is more complicated than birth. At least when a person is born, everyone celebrates. They think it is this beautiful thing. All the potential for hope and beauty in the world lies in this tiny body of a baby. It's wonderful. The politics of the parents involved are forgotten for a moment, sometimes forever, as this new life is enjoyed and loved.

Death is not so easy. Instead, the politics of your life become entombed as you are interred. For example, in my beloved family, my grandmother did not make the best choices. She married a total of three times. The first man, my aunt's father, she divorced. The second, my father's biological father, died when my dad was only 5 months old. The third, my other aunt's father, died this past Saturday. He was the man I called 'Pap.' Now, my dad's biological father was idealized in my grandmother's mind. He has remained so, even to this day. Even after 50 years of being married to George she still talked about Barney. She even discussed having Barney's remains dug up and buried on one side, George's placed on the other, and her own buried in between. As you can imagine, this didn't go over very well with George.

Now, don't misunderstand. My grandmother loved my grandfather. She still loves him. It just was never the same kind of love she felt for Barney. This idealized love has had it's repurcussions on the living. It made my dad the favorite and my aunts second best. It made me special whereas the other grandchildren, while all loved, were held in a different kind of regard. I won't say I was the favorite, because I don't know that I was. I only mean that I was treated differently because I was Barney's blood.

It is only after my grandfather died, and my grandmother had left her apartment for a nursing home that we were able to begin to process some of the mystery of my grandmother's relationships and my grandparents' choices. We found death certificates and photographs, rings and pendants, notes and records. It was a great lesson. The whole ordeal - the different grave plots (while Barney was buried near a nice tree next to my great uncle and great grandparents, my grandfather was buried near a busy road, where my grandmother will join him) the mess left with the survivors - it was all a lesson on how to live.

Live so that you don't leave a mess. Live so that you die how you want to die, leave things you want them left. Live so that you know exactly what is happening to your body once you're gone. Will your possessions (howeve meager they may be) to people in a witnessed legal document. Leave this world at least partially on your own terms - yes you don't have too much control over how you die, but you DO have control over what people will deal with when you do. Leave plenty of stories for loved ones to tell at your service. Make sure they give you the proper send-off, whether it's drinking IC Lite at the Italian American Club, or it's burning incense in the Japanese Tea Garden in Balboa Park, just make sure people know what you want.

Do the right thing. Don't make other people miserable because you can, make people joyful because you want to! Honor your preferences. Appreciate the people whom you love. Admit when you've been wrong. Settle differences. Have lots of parties. Eat wonderful food. Make lots of love to your partner. Nurture your spirit. Listen to music. Play outside. Dance at every opportunity! Sing! Do whatever it is that brings you a sense of fulfillment and peace. Keep a journal to let generations after you know what went on inside of you as you lived.

I have to say that once I grew up I began journalling consistently. I started choosing to do things because they might be the only chance I will ever get to do them. I started making a commitment to going after my dreams and taking care of my needs. I decided I wasn't going to do something just because someone else wanted me to, but only to ever do something if it fits in with my purpose and my needs. I try to tie up loose ends whenever I can. Leaving things incomplete is a recipe of disaster that I will not follow.

There are a lot of things we can do to make sure we choose life. There are a lot of things we can do to make sure we make the best possible decision for our lives. Examine. Explore. Savor. Be careful, but do not be overly cautious. Fear can keep us from the most amazing experiences of our lives. I'm going to keep visiting that guy in Berkeley. Why? He enriches my time, every moment I am with him or talking to him he adds value. That's the kind of decision that yields good fruit, which when planted will yield a beautiful orchard. Sounds like a good choice to me.