Church Search 1: Beatitudes Sat 5:00

This is the first of our Church Search review entries. If you ever decide to move to Phoenix, I hope this will be useful information for you. If you never come to Phoenix, I hope it will at least be entertaining. Churches will be rated on the "wine scale." 1 bottle is basically a temple of moneychangers, 5 bottles is "not doing harm, but your not doing anything for us," and 10 bottles is the wedding feast at Cana (aka AWESOME and likely the winner of our search).

Our first church worship experience was at the Church of the Beatitudes' Saturday 5 pm service. The church is in a prime location on the corner of W. Glendale and N. 7th Avenue. It caught my eye because it is a UCC church which I know to be a particularly theologically liberal denomination and the name (which focuses on Jesus' sermon on the mount and issues of social justice). We decided to attend the 5 pm service because we thought it would be slightly more contemporary and have younger faces in the congregation.

I was surprised by the size of the property (large by Santa Barbara standards) equipped with numerous task specific buildings. It was clear by the demographics even in the parking lot that it was a liberal church (think: Castro Street). Fortunately they had placed clear signage instructing newcomers where to go for the service (as it would have been easy to get lost). I was pleased to see a homeless man comfortably listening to his boom box in front of the Sunday morning sanctuary.

When we entered the fellowship hall, a square room with a stage, high ceilings, and stain glass windows depicting theologians across the ages, we were immediately greeted by the female pastor. I was pleased (and not surprised) to see a female pastor. After that another man greeted us (he had an earring, again not surprising) and directed us to sit wherever we liked. There was a meal (potluck, maybe?) tables, and couches. Around the space were displays depicting and explaining a number of different ministries in which members participated or the church sponsored. The ones I noticed addressed poverty, age, and the environment. In addition, there was a large banner displaying the Toastmasters' group awards (apparently a Toastmasters group meets there regularly). We were given 8.5 x 11" sized booklets talking about the ministries, the service, and other random church items.

We sat down on a couch. The man who greeted us upon entrance sat next to us. Another man came over and introduced himself right before the service started, but it was unclear who he was and he only said his name very quietly right before jettisoning away.

The members were mostly older, with a few young faces (who looked to be in high school as opposed to attending on their own steam). They had a projector and a younger looking man operating the computer attached , but he was sitting boredly in front, in plain view of everyone.

A woman stood up behind a mic and a man stood next to her at another mic. They told everyone to stand and gestured for people to clap (good luck with an Anglo crowd!). The music was recorded. Hmm. The next few songs were led by the woman singing and the man played the piano. There was no apparent theme to the subject in the songs or the images on the screen. The images during the prayers and readings changed and did not appear to be related to one another.

The scripture was from Exodus. Snore. The reader gave an editorial speech beforehand as if anyone in the crowd wasn't churched. Uh huh. This seems like a brimestone passage as opposed to the kind of theological meal I was expecting from a UCC church. Hmm. Both of us checked out during that whole deal.

There was communion by intinction, which I took feeling like I needed to in order to participate in some normal church ritual (I did receive the requisite stares for being someone different as I walked down the center aisle).

Finally the jettison man got up and sat in front of everyone. Apparently he is the co-pastor (I wonder is it a married couple? It's not clear from the booklet they gave out). Before he speaks he has a preview for a movie with one of the Owen brothers in it. It looks like a movie I'd like to see. He then goes on to tell a long seemingly unrelated story about some experience he had with a member from another pastorate. He takes a long time trying to tie the movie preview, the scripture, and his ridiculously long and complicated story together.

I know everyone has an off week - my dad always quoted his seminary preaching professor who said you have 1 amazing, 2 good to okay, and 1 terrible sermon per month. I know I've been spoiled by two amazing Baptist preachers as parents, but still. This was bad. He mentioned he had a doctorate in counseling. I think he should stick to that. We both decided we wanted to hear the woman preach, and we had no idea what she would be like.

At the end of the service the jettison pastor gave some benedictory words. Thinking it was over I tell Christian we should leave. Nope - not yet. There's their traditional semi-circle SUNG benediction (which I might add has NOTHING to do with anything that's occurred in the service, but perhaps it was their bid at liturgy maintenance). At this, I'm stuck in the semi-circle next to the inspired reader, and Christian is next to jettison pastor. Inspired reader informs me it's tradition. I got that from the song leader who directed us into the semi-circle, thanks. Christian told me later the pastor APOLOGIZED, "but it's tradition." He shook our hands and thanked us for coming. We promptly bolted (think the Jamaican runner from Beijing).

Sooo... it seemed like this service was a poor attempt at trying to appeal to the emerging church, but really was only speaking to the Boomer generation already in attendance. The church seems to be doing some wonderful things, and is clearly socially minded. Unfortunately the worship experience sucked. "It was like a junior high sunday school experience." So how many wine bottles does this get? We'll give them 6 bottles because their hearts were in the right place and they aren't detrimental in any way. Remember, this is a rating based SOLELY on the Saturday 5 pm service. We have NO IDEA what Sunday morning is like. Attend at your discretion. And by all means volunteer with these people, because it seems like they have a lot of enthusiasm for living Jesus' message just based on their community involvement displays.

Hello Phoenix! (Introductions)

Hey there! We made it. We're alive, though slightly boiled in our skins in Phoenix AZ. This is to let everyone know the general plan for the next few months (if not the remaining year). But first, a light introduction: Our trip and our first week.

It was long and hot. We got here, pulled up to the Sunny Slope apartment at sunset and on the right hand side of the street was a man seated outside who we now affectionately refer to as "the crackhead." On the other side was our apartment complete with courtyard (of dirt). Christian later informed me he noted the needle and resevoir lying on the asphault in front of our apartment then. This picture was completed by a fried used condom on the righthand side of the doorstep. Winner!!! Needless to say, Christian was especially discouraged by this sight. We went to our hotel room for the night and huddled in the comfort of the AC.

The next day we went back to the apartment in the scorching sun (even at 9 am!). Christian threw out the sharp. His sister and family came soon after and helped us unload the truck and put our place in some semblance of order - complete with a slushy and beer break (for the kids and adults respectively), lunch break, and afternoon ice cream break. Woot woot! It was some time during the afternoon one of our good neighbors (a member of a motorcycle "club") introduced himself to my husband (and later myself). The conversation went like this:

"Hey, so you all are moving in? I'm your new neighbor, name's Sinner." Bite lip, hold breath.
"I'm Christian." Shake hands.

WHAT?? Some of our other neighbors (all motorcycle club members of one sort of another) are Nacho, Stretch, ER, and Shaggy (Shaggy has a half dog, half wolf that he calls "Doggie").

Though the family all fried, it was a good time and Christian and I felt good about our first day. Finding the power still off (this was Sept 1st, a holiday) we stayed another night in the hotel.

The next day we went around buying things we needed in order to make a go of the place and also to keep cool. We still were unable to get the power on (and to make contact with the property manager) so we slept in the living room on top of a sleeping bag with the windows open and covered in baby powder.

I'm not sure when we finally got the power on, but it wasn't as exciting as we thought. The AC still didn't work. So the majority of our week was spent running around North Phoenix attempting to stay cool in either the car, or stores. Friday night was fortunately spent with one of our initial contacts from Phoenix and his girlfriend. This was a reprieve from each other and from the stress of moving. Needless to say, we all had fun.

Saturday was another day spent running around which culminated in our first church experience and our return home. From now on there will be entries devoted to our "Church Search" adventures. More info in the next entry.

When we got home from church, we found our door to be blocked by a Harley Davidson, in addition to a flock of Harley Davidsons - at least 3 or 4 clubs were being represented. We located Shaggy and he found the culprit who after some fanfare and joking all around moved his bike. We were then taken by Nacho and introduced to all the riders as the "New Neighbors." Seeing as we aren't tweekers (speed/meth addicts) they were excited. The Unidos Motorcycle Club you see, came into this apartment complex and turned it completely around. They fixed up the house on the property (turning it into the club house) and kicked out the drug addicts from the property (as well as dealers from the street). It seems, our apartment complex is the safest place to be in the neighborhood. Luckily for us, we've become the pet young married couple of the club.

Cool.

Beginning with Ever After

Christian and I got married last Friday. Woot woot! We were informed by guests that it was one of the (if not THE) most spectacular wedding ever. This is not because we had silk napkins imported from India to dapple the reception tables (we didn't) or because we had a magician walking around entertaining guests as we ate (again, sadly that was a different wedding). Rather it was because it was so incredibly honest and it was fun for everyone in attendance. The ceremony had awesome music groups(none of this Pacabel or wedding march business!), the officiant was thoughtful in his words, we wrote our own vows, and there was congregational participation. The reception had a playlist we had developed during the cocktail and dinner hours, followed by an awesome funk band that had everyone dancing. Everyone I spoke with during the course of the event and the week following has said they had a great time. My bridesmaids looked fabulous, the groomsmen looked fabulous, and I think I heard every table at the reception full of laughter. It really felt like the best start of our life together we could possibly have.

Afterwards people always talk about brides feeling the come down. Though the initial daze has worn off, I'm far from being depressed. We wake up every morning next to our best friend in the whole world and it makes us both grin from ear to ear. We're planning our next steps (moving to Phoenix AZ) and it makes us so excited. Even the most annoying chores are softened by jokes and a recognition that everything is alright. We have nothing to worry about because we have each other. It's wonderful all the time. Problem-solving becomes a game. Every day is a new adventure and a new story.

We do look at each other every now and again and say "Hey, we're married!?!" Christian seems to take particular delight in saying things like "It's my beautiful wife" or "have you seen my wife?" We both catch each other fiddling or just staring at our rings. It's hard not to be transfixed.

At a friend's recent wedding someone said something like "May this day be the day you love your spouse the least" in other words, that you continue to love your spouse more and more over time. Many people told us that marriage does in fact get better and better over time. My guess is, in cases where the partnership is formed for the right reasons, growing and changing together increases and strengthens your closeness. It's a beautiful and wonderful thing. That's not to say that there won't be times of difficulty, stress, anger, sadness, or other tensions. Those things are certainly part of life. But when you wake up every day knowing there is at least one person who has chosen to bind themselves together with you until you die, you feel a bit more secure about everything.

We've gotten into the excitment of looking ahead at moving, getting jobs, having him graduate from MMI, and starting a family. I went to the DMV today to begin the process for my motorcycle license so I can have it before we move. It makes me feel like things are really happening. Changes are occuring and they're all good because whatever happens Christian is with me and our lives are totally blessed. We have wonderful family and friends. We are full of potential, gifts and talents. The world is our oyster. It's great to be alive.

A New List of Sins for Today

At the risk of sounding profoundly simplistic and overly black and white in my faith I have decided to post a little list of sins, and if there is a hell, people who commit these without repentance, apology, or reconciliation get a special place in it.

This is prompted by the fact that a jury just found the woman who drunk drove and killed our friend Justin Sharp "not guilty of all charges." She made an illegal U turn on a highway and Justin was simply unable to avoid colliding with her car. Because if justice cannot be found in this world, it must be found in the next.

This list is in no particular order.

1) Inconsideration of other people. So that means people who talk during movies - yes, because you talk without thinking about the people around you. It also includes people who don't use their turn signal, talk on cell-phones while driving, text while driving, don't clean up their messes.

2) Disregarding the feelings of others. This is a corollary to the above.

3) Hate - of homosexuals, of fat people, of people who are different because it makes you uncomfortable, of anyone at all

4) Greed - for candy, for money

5) Lust - because a thousand nights with a thousand different women in a thousand different positions will never make you happy

6) Irresponsibility - that is, being reckless, doing things without using common sense, being flippant, or neglecting your obligations and your commitments (that includes divorce because you married for the wrong reasons or just don't want to work at your relationship)

7) Being a defense attorney - they're actually evil.

8) Being a part of an insurance company that swindles people - because pretty much, they all do.

9) Being a loan officer. Sorry guys, but basically you're swindling people too if you're collecting interest. This is an old stand-by sin too.

10) Killing someone.

11) Killing someone without apologizing.

12) Being a part of a jury who denies justice from being done.

13) Male chauvinists - this goes along with the hate thing.

14) Sexual Assault and/or Rape - beyond a doubt one of the most terrible (and common) things a person can do to another person where the victim remains alive.

15) Abuse - it doesn't matter what kind.

16) Lying to the detriment of others. Because really, honesty is the best policy for the community, and for your relationships. If you can't tell the truth, don't say anything at all.

17) Telling hurtful jokes - it's only funny if everyone is laughing.

18) Making assumptions. JUST ASK a person what's going on before acting on it. By robbing a person of choice you can cause suffering - and it's intentional while done without thought or care.

19) Being excessively rich when there are people dying from preventable diseases, war, hunger, and thirst.

20) Purposefully hurting someone, and/or delighting in it.

21) Watching someone be hurt and not doing anything about it.

22) Being violent - it's not okay. It's a vehicle for hurt.

23) Defiling your body. What does that mean? Your body really is a temple. Why would you alter your brain to something unrecognizable by ingesting chemicals? Why would you try to escape yourself so much? How could you hate yourself so much to destroy one of God's beautiful creations?

24) Polluting the environment - that includes but is not limited to using disposable paper products when it is avoidable, eating food that was mass produced and shipped to you from a far off place, littering, participating in a process that puts smog in the air, not making use of green technology as it is available and accessible to you, using excessive amounts of energy.

25) Refusing to help people when they need it and you are able to give it.

That's the end of my little list. I can't think of anything else at the moment. I think it covers the major sins and the ones that are so prevalent in our society today. May God forgive those who recognize and feel the depth of the wrongs they commit. Those who do not truly understand, well... may the powers deal with you justly.

Amen.