Where are the girls?!

I was iming a friend about a movie I had seen recently, 13 going on 30.
He said he preferred Big - said it was the same movie but with better writing. I thought about it and realized, I didn't like Big as much simply because it was about a male. He said that would eliminate a lot of movies if I judged them based on how evenly distributed the important parts were across genders. So I decided to do a little research on 'guy' movies and 'chick' movies.

I checked a few different cast lists of various movies off the top of my head on the Internet Movie Database. It makes sense that I wouldn't like movies about guys. Movies about guys tend to have fewer female characters - and when I say fewer, I mean it is possible to have a guy movie without a plot-essential female role. From what I can find, this is not possible in a chick movie. There is always a guy essential to the plot in a chick movie. And, even if a movie is about a chick, sometimes the guy who is essential to the plot is listed before the chick. How weird is that?

What does that all say about women's place in American culture? We're second class. We don't matter that much. This of course is a fundamentally flawed stance, because, without ridiculous advances in science, we are STILL essential in order to make babies. Yet, male dominated movies still take the stage. Chicks will watch The Saint, but they won't watch Boondock Saints because of relationships in the film. One has chicks, the other doesn't. One has relationships and has a greater breadth of emotional content, the other deals primarily from the machismo palette of feeling. Even though Boondock has some cute actors, the attractiveness simply doesn't compensate for the lack of feminine.

No one wants a completely male society. No one wants a completely female society. Half and half is definitely preferred. I don't want completely male myths and stories either. I want half and half. It's more realistic. I think realism in this situation fosters a higher level of cultural psyche health. But we still have difficulty bringing about physical health in our society, so why talk about spiritual, emotional, or mental health? That's not even on the radar of the discussion.

Be Happy To Get What You Do - Questions

In the past two weeks there's been so many things to write about, and yet nothing at all. It's the day after Thanksgiving - Black Friday. I don't usually go shopping, but I hadn't yet gotten anything for anyone so I decided I would wander around the malls and brave the 10 person lines for lower prices. I ended up having quite the successful spree. It's just the everyday intensified. I've been noticing that recently. Everyday is more or less the same. You have a routine, the excitement is the break in the routine.

So what is a break in the routine? What is mundane, but more so? It could be an extra bill to pay this month. It could be a birth, a wedding, a death. It could be a sober day in the middle of ten drunk ones. It could be thinking about someone else instead of thinking about yourself. Sometimes it's as small as brushing your teeth with the opposite hand... or just one hand (for those unusual ambidextrous persons).

Well, maybe those are mundane. Maybe they aren't. Maybe it's having a slight cold for weeks upon weeks while getting up and doing the same thing over and over again. That's depressing. I can't stand doing the same thing over and over again. As I watched the people shopping, flitting past me in the department stores and the warehouse discount stores, I kept thinking about them. I wondered - when will I be like these families with 2 or 3 children wandering around the store looking for the absolute lowest prices? standing in line at the toy store? driving a van or a station wagon? carting kids off to classes, clubs, and sports? working at a job where I am completely disassociated from the product of my labor?

I wonder. Can a person be content in that? Hollywood is kind enough to make movies about people rediscovering the mundane. I mean, is it ok to settle down and make a life that is less than extraordinary? Is it ok to blend into suburbia? Is there anything wrong with that? Why isn't blending in glorified? Why is it so important to be independent? Why is it so essential to stand out? Why can't connection and harmony be glorified for once? Why can't community be emphasized? Why can't getting along with your neighbors be the goal, instead of running into your house and ignoring the people who live on either side of you? or even the people who live down the block?

I can't imagine blending in. I never seem to look like all the other people I see walking down the street. It's not a conscious effort. At the same time, I'm not outrageous in my appearance. I don't wear striped stockings and dye my hair crazy colors. Does that mean I don't blend in? Or does it mean I do within a certain range?

Is it better to go out drinking with friends every weekend to forget all these things I've thought, or is it better to hide inside at night and obsess over these things? I've done it both ways. It doesn't make a difference. You end up feeling the same way in the morning.

What makes this whole thing worthwhile? What's the point of going on in this "mundane but more so" existence? I could answer that religion, or faith makes a difference. I would answer this way because it's the only thing that keeps me from falling off the edge most of the time. It's the thing that I use to answer all the difficult questions. I don't know how truthful it is, and I don't know if truth matters at this point. I'm not sure if I can always use it to answer my questions any more. Sometimes I think the only way anyone can really use it as an excuse is if they have some kind of out-of-body experience. I can see how that might change even the most mundane existence into the extraordinary. Cancer could do the same thing for other people. I'm not offering cancer as the answer to "perpetual rut," but it would put a new spin on things just because you would learn to appreciate mundane things VERY quickly.

My vote is for the out-of-body experience. Or an encounter that is inexplicable. I think that would be a lot more fun. And just think, you could never tell anyone except other people who believe in those kinds of things - because most people would think you were nuts.

Very encouraging.

I still go with the 'hallucination' over terminal illness.

.....

sorry for the time off... it's just... not happening right now. i don't know when it will. give me an ounce of inspiration and maybe we'll get somewhere.

End of the World... but, I FEEL fine...

My senior year in college I had a fabulous roomie from the north of France. She lives in a small village near Lille. She's cosmopolitan - she's been to Africa several times on worktrips, speaks German, English, Woloff (a Senegalese dialect) and of course French. She opened my eyes to a France I had no idea existed, which has displayed itself to the world in the past few weeks. I've read a lot about colonialization, and I've studied social movements and political unrest, but the racial and socio-economic inflamation today in France is something I cannot imagine.

Extended post hereThe stench of colonialization, racism, and religious prejudice colors the entire thing. Like the Irish conflict, or the American civil war, or the Arab-Israeli conflict, there are economic issues couched in all kinds of veneers. The only cause greater inflamation. I keep expecting another Bastille storming the way things are going, or a Rousseau to rise up as a voice for the masses. Every hundred years or so Europe gets restless - is this just another restless and thoughtless rebellion? Or is this something more? Will it turn into something more? Is there class consciousness? Is that too much to hope for? Will it spread to the Americas?

The depiction of the riots in our news is enough to make Latin America look stable, and as a student of international issues, I can't help feeling like Latin America is the only safe place to study as the bird flu is spread across the Asian continent, and political unrest is aflame across Europe (I have no real attachment to Africa, though I have heard wonderful things about the place).

As I glance around the world, with all the natural and human disasters - disease, riots, famine, hurricaines, tornadoes, earthquakes - I feel as though the world is falling apart. Every professor, indeed, every adult I have spoken with in the past 2 or 3 years has said something to the effect of 'Glad I won't be around to deal with this shit. I'll be dead!' Thanks guys, it's very encouraging.

The situation seems hopeless.

I knew a Palestinian guy and would talk to him about the situation in Israel/Palestine (I was also studying the situation in an International Politics class). It truly seemed hopeless. We hold on to the same stones so hard that we cannot see the faces across the barbed wire.

Desmond Tutu came to speak at UCSB last week. At the end of his speech he answered a few questions. The last question was something to the effect of 'What can we do to help further your work?' Contrary to his other answers, this one was quite succinct. He said 'End poverty,' and sat down.

If we could address the most extreme suffering in the world, we might be able to have something close to peace. It is not WAR that makes peace. War begets more war. 'Whoever lives by the sword dies by the sword.' I would rather beat my sword into a plowshare and feed my brothers and sisters. That is more constructive than decimating the land with bombs. Rather, if we address our brothers' and sisters' most basic needs we can decrease their level of desparation. Everyone knows it is a lot easier to talk when you have a full belly, a safe place to sleep, and clothes on your back.

If we could apply this prior knowledge... we might never see another Bastille storming again.

Top of a Portis - "It Could Be Sweet"

I've rediscovered some music on my computer. Actually, I had no idea it was on my computer. Thus, like so many others, I decided to go through and take a listen. I found myself surfing on the cool croons of Portishead's Dummy album. There are a few songs on that album that resonate deep in my chest. Today, nothing is more perfect than 'It Could Be Sweet'

My father recently attended a lecture about Gen Xers in churches. The information, though applied to churches in that setting, could be applied to any and all. Gen Xers are low on the commitment scale. They are cautious when considering marriage, and are much more comfortable in a co-habitation arrangement. Gen Yers are even more so. Why is this the case? Well, as time has gone on, the family unit has become exponentially less stable. About 50% of all marriages end in divorce. And of course, when you're on your second or third marriage, you are increasing your chances of ANOTHER divorce.

Then people wonder why commitment levels are so low?! It's not just the institution of marriage that comes into question, but all institutions. Skepticism is high, and blind acceptance of established structure - extremely low. But for the purposes of my thoughts, let us stay on the marriage concept, because I am fascinated by it.

Marriage is one of the only universal institutions. Ergo, there is a major reason for the thing. As anthropologists would tell us, most institutions are created to exist in a particular cultural context - they don't move across cultures. So what is the purpose of marriage?

Well, there are a few reasons.

1) Children: Children need a stable environment. Take one look at my and my younger brother's generations and you'll see why. We're a couple of psychological messes as generations. Stability makes the difference. With two adult role models (ideally one male, one female should be present so children can learn how to interact with both sexes - though I would argue that these can be substituted by other family members and/or family friends) children learn how to act in the world.

2) Economics: It was only recently that love came into the picture. Love as a purpose for marriage, is over-rated and frankly, quite mythical. Traditionally, marriage has been seen as a merging of families. It was a way to pass on inheritances as well as an conduit for 'national' or 'communal' stability within kingdoms, fiefdoms, and the like. Economics remains a purpose for marriage. Just replay some of your mother's favorite marriage lecture - 'Oh! That family is wealthy. They own property in X country and in Y county. Their son/daughter is around your age, cute, AND single....'

3) Class maintenance: I think this deserves a separate segment, though it is definitely related to the above (However, we now have the strange class of academics who are poor yet know their silverware, and classless New Money who care not whether they expose themselves to tabloid ridicule. It is for this reason I have a separate category.).
This one is a sore subject for Americans, but it is, absolutely true. It is a BIG no-no to marry across class lines. We have some beautiful Hollywood movies telling us it is possible, but I must confess, it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY. Summa cum laudes do not marry cum laudes. It is more acceptable for like to marry like. The son of a mechanic does not often marry the daughter of a lawyer. It's just not done. Of course, beauty can help you go across class lines, and will certainly sway some parents a little, but charisma and knowledge of the use of the shrimp fork will carry you MUCH further.

3b)Cultural maintenence could be tagged in here as well - religion, ethnic custom, language...
These are all aspects that could come under these maintenence categories.

4) Love/companionship: I don't think that love is an adequate reason for marriage, especially when using the word in the 'lust' or 'attraction' sense. Long term attachment, or companionship, is a reasonable purpose in marriage if it is combined with one of the above. I say this because, although modern mythical love is 'all you need,' mythical love is just that- a myth. It is not enough to maintain a house, a family, or other practical considerations. Long-term attachment combined with the desire to raise children, class maintenence, or economic interdependence is much more practical, and much more of a stable institution.

So, what's all this talk about marriage? What does it have to do with that Portishead song? Honestly, I am a romantic at heart. I am easily swept up in the idea of that mythical love - I've been raised on it. Disney was my visual milk-bottle as a little girl. I've had my share of boyfriends. And I've gone through and thought 'yeah... I could spend my life with this one' based on the idea of mythical love. If attraction was enough to sustain a relationship, I could have been married several times over. Yet, this is not the case. I remain attached to one particular man, despite attempts to thwart this attachment (I hesitate to say, on both sides). And as life would have it, distance prevents a greater exploration of this relationship at this time. In fact, I would speculate that on his side, the commitment is light and extremely wary, because as I stated before - it was thwarted for many reasons in several instances.

I am, though a Gen Xer/Yer (1982), a product of a happy 30+ year marriage, and he is likewise. These kinds of long term commitments are becoming more rare - especially when considering our dads have been present our entire lives. I'm not saying that I'll be marrying this guy, because that would be fool-hardy. But as a product of a healthy marriage, I look longingly into the relationship landscape for a shade of real commitment in a person who I can genuinely like, with whom I can spend oodles of time and not be absolutely annoyed by the sight of them. It would help if they also knew how to fix small appliances, moderate plumbing, and basic car issues.

which waterhouse are you?

Just for fun....


You are the Sorceress. You exude a sort of
mysterious sensuality and are very powerful in
your own rite. Any who love you may expect to
experience pain when you decide to fly away, or
perhaps due to your wicked streak. You may be a
loner, and care mostly to spend your time
getting what you want through conniving,
sometimes questionable means. Through it all
you still maintain beauty and nobility and can
be wonderful when you so desire.


Which Waterhouse Painting Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Daily Ground - Stress of Labor - Go read 'Christy'

I've been having difficulty getting started. I've often been a late starter, for example, I was born 3 weeks after my due date, and only then because of castor oil. Fortunately for me, once I start, I get going at a decent pace. Yet, this said, I find it very difficult to do the things I need to do once I get home from "serving" at the school (where I am an Americorps volunteer reading tutor). I have discovered, I am far from being the only one- in fact, I think that EVERYONE has this problem.

My mother, my dad, and my brother (though he has less work to do often finds himself affected more strongly by that lesser amount) all have difficulty with this. I began to wonder, maybe this reflects how EVERYONE feels at the end of the day after emotionally or physically exhausting labor. Is this the stress of which experts discuss, and are subsequently quoted in pop magazine articles? Is this the kind of thing which is cited as being the fault of so many 30 and 40 somethings' heartattacks? strokes? coronaries? depression?

It feels as though society has quietly forgotten to call these things what they must be - symptoms of a failed system. I find myself increasingly wishing for a small plot of land where I can plant seeds, tend, and reap rather than facing the increasingly fast paced life of the urban. I find my 21 year old friends being indoctrinated into the path of buying things that are much too expensive which they do not need. They think this will make them happy. They work at these emotionally or physically exahusting jobs so they can make money to buy more things that they don't need, that will not make them happy. Why don't they take a slice out of the peace pilgrim's book? These jobs do not make them happy. Buying does not make them happy. Not being possessed by your possessions - that is satisfying. Having friends you love who love you back - that is satisfying. Doing something that contributes some good to your community - THAT is satisfying.

Even though Americorps is a grueling time commitment, I do it because I want to contribute to my community (It might also be because I read Christy one too many times.). I do it because I know that working with the kids, maybe, JUST maybe, I can make a difference in their lives. And that difference means the world. It also means I am poor, but at least I am doing something for the world. At least I am being the change I wish to see in the world.

I would recommend you do the same. It's a lot better than being daily ground.