When my mother was pregnant with me she often felt 'a little yucky' which became an epithet for the thing that was on its way to becoming me. India however requires not 'a little yucky,' but 'a little crazy.' There's a certain degree of flexibility which is required in this level of heat... otherwise tempers flare and someone ends up dead.
I suggest this because, in the paper which is delivered daily to my room, the Chandigarh Tribune (I think you might be able to find this online) there is a story (at least one) daily that ends in violence surrounding issues of caste, gender, or economics.
While Sikhs and Muslims (in addition to some other minority groups) profess a desire for equality in both caste and gender dimensions, yet the current state is a far cry from our expectations of such things. While I could go on and on about caste dynamics, I think I've mentioned this several times before and would therefore like to focus a bit more on gender dynamics - and all the problems associated with love, women, and sex in Punjab (yes..this is the CONDENSED version from MY perspective).
Extended post here Think: Intercaste marriage (often the boy is the lower caste...though why I am unclear) formed because of love (for which there is no place in Punjabi society, or was none, say a fair few of our guest lecturers) ends with the father and brother of the girl kidnapping the couple killing and maiming them. The accused rarely stay in jail for any length of time.
In other cases the village council sentences the couple to death by ordering the family to kill them.
Punjab is one of three Indian states with the highest numbers of men relative to women (876 women to every 1000 men). In the paper there are regular reports of baby bodies being found near villages in ditches. They are always female. The Indian government has attempted to stem this long practiced custom but has met little success.
Women here do not go out at night by themselves (although this is changing somewhat with the younger generations). This is because of several reasons. Premarital sex is discouraged. You hav low levels of women relative to men. It's dark...guys are horny and they travel in groups. Rape and sexual assault cases are rarely prosecuted.
There is some change in the ideas surrounding public displays of affection (PDA) which is largely due to Western teenage love movies (even the scene of Cho Chang and Harry Potter in the recent HP movie would get whoops and yells in the theater). So now you see some couples nuzzling in public in major cities, but certainly not in villages. Ideas about sex and conversations about sex are limited although there are initiatives to educate (women especially) about safe sex and contraception options.
There is some change in the ideas surrounding public displays of affection (PDA) which is largely due to Western teenage love movies (even the scene of Cho Chang and Harry Potter in the recent HP movie would get whoops and yells in the theater). So now you see some couples nuzzling in public in major cities, but certainly not in villages. Ideas about sex and conversations about sex are limited although there are initiatives to educate (women especially) about safe sex and contraception options.
All this combined with the whole predominance of Indians' staring. For some reason staring happens...to everyone...not just to foreigners. However, white women (especially with unusual colored eyes and hair - say blonde and blue-eyed) elicit the most overt stares. You can understand why modest dress is a good idea for Western women. Needless to say, modest means nothing above the knee (i.e. knee is covered) and certainly no cleavage (and spaghetti straps are a big no-no). Standards of modest dress are not necessarily the same for Indian and Western women (so while an Indian woman might be able to get away with some of the above immodesties, a Western woman would be perceived as definitely asking for 'it').
So basically everywhere I go I get gawked alittle bit. Fortunately I have some protection by having darker hair and light brown eyes and olive undertoned skin. My friend Ash said I look like a lot of his half-Indian friends. This affords me a little less gawking, but it's certainly not protection from 'creep.' For my blonde-haired, blue-eyed, pink-skinned, (and in some cases, short-haired) friends, the gawking is much more overt, and depending on the woman-in-question's presence, will take on different characters. Short hair for example, will get curiousity, but not necessarily 'undressing-with-the-eyes.'
Even at the movie theater there is a separate line for men and women to help minimize the unwanted groping and touching that might occur. Apparently hands tend to wander (fortunately I have not yet encountered this problem) and even though this happens frequently, it is discouraged by the general population.
So, if you are a woman planning on coming to India from the West, 1) wear modest clothing as per the code above, 2) bring a ring that fits on your left-hand ring finger and 3) be comfortable pushing off the unwanted hands and yelling in their faces if they get a little too close. It's kind of like fending off a large cat - you put up any kind of fight, the cat gets discouraged and leaves you alone.
But don't worry at all if you have a guy in your group. Apparently one or two men is enough to ward off the undesirables.
And all this is to say: with all the advances women have in this country and political offices they've held, culturally men aren't able to control themselves. Hmmm....
Even at the movie theater there is a separate line for men and women to help minimize the unwanted groping and touching that might occur. Apparently hands tend to wander (fortunately I have not yet encountered this problem) and even though this happens frequently, it is discouraged by the general population.
So, if you are a woman planning on coming to India from the West, 1) wear modest clothing as per the code above, 2) bring a ring that fits on your left-hand ring finger and 3) be comfortable pushing off the unwanted hands and yelling in their faces if they get a little too close. It's kind of like fending off a large cat - you put up any kind of fight, the cat gets discouraged and leaves you alone.
But don't worry at all if you have a guy in your group. Apparently one or two men is enough to ward off the undesirables.
And all this is to say: with all the advances women have in this country and political offices they've held, culturally men aren't able to control themselves. Hmmm....
2 comments:
Dear Alexis:
Very astute observations. Do your observations apply mainly to younger women, or do they apply to all age groups? Are Western women encouraged or discouraged to dress in native dress, or is it considered improper? Are there many Western businesswomen in India, or would women associated with business mainly be associated by their relationship with a man (e.g., husband, significant other, et al)?
There seem to be so many differences that are heavily rooted in the Indian culture that we, as Westerners, have such difficulty getting our heads around. I would suppose that the same might be true for Indians living in the US.
I love reading your posts. Keep up the good work. We miss you!
Jane Wells
Sorry it took me a while to respond to your comment.
It really applies to all women. Younger women naturally have more difficulty with these things as they are generally considered more vulnerable but that is not necessarily the case.
Women are generally defined by their relationships to other men, although that is changing somewhat. It will be interesting to see how that changes in the next ten years.
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