It's been some time since I've written. There are a number of reasons for that. Mainly it just has to do with the fact that India is a challenging place, I've been here all this time, and I've been bombarded by many nasty situations. I've also come across some good ones... but at this moment, they seem few and far between (or strained and stretched).
I have the unfortunate habit of attracting all kinds of people. Even beyond that I have the problem of being nice to people with major issues. I'm not good at seeking people out, they either come to me or they don't, and so I have a limited pool of people who end up becoming friends, associates, and acquaintances.
I want to think the best of people. Again, another unfortunate habit of mine is to give people the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't deserve it. That is, until they cross the line. Once they've reached that point, they've pretty much burned all bridges and it is nearly impossible for them to redeem themselves (Although I do often have fantasies of them trying to do so, usually what happens is the person continues to act in a problematic way... thereby killing all delusions of reconciliation).
I am writing this because I have found it incredibly difficult to have very many meaningful relationships here in India (with the exception of my limited friends from academia). This may be due to the fact that I am a funny foreigner (case in point) or because I still haven't learned the cultural rules (related to the former). Those relationships which I have attracted to myself tend to involve a great deal more drama and pain than I am accustomed to experiencing. Part of this may be, as I said before, cultural issues. These could be class and caste (I am living with some jetsetters...so they bring more jetsetters into my acquaintance...while I am from a middleclass family of at least partially working class background). Also it is probably India (ways of interacting with people are generally different... the truth is more than relative). Finally, it is in part dysfunction.
My interactions with people here have done one thing which I had not expected. I knew that time abroad (as it always does) makes one reconsider one's own country. I just didn't expect it to be the way it has been for me in India. I feel a bit like one of 300 Spartans facing the Persian imperial army. Of course, Spartan women are given such status because they give birth to Spartan men. I'm not saying that America is perfect, far from it. I do think there are some cultural values which are unique to America and frankly, I think they're the best. Not American Corporate culture, but I'm talking here about the down home American roots that my extended family comes from. I'm talking about Staten Island. I'm talking about the way that people are valued because they accomplish something (much more so than in other places), not because of their parents or their social capital (let's be realistic, who really values Paris' for her upstanding Americanness? Whereas Bill Gates is someone who is upheld as the quintessential pull yourself up by your bootstraps guy - an American.). This may seem like a bid for nationalism. Perhaps it is a bit of that national pride. However, I think often times people are found to be toting national pride randomly, without experience to lead them to their fervor. And as an American, I'm not toting the government's actions. I generally distrust the government, it's the true American way. I trust the people. Whether or not this trust is founded is another issue. But in the end, I feel at home in New York, Chicago, the Appalachians, Seattle, Bloomington and Elk's City because those are my people. It doesn't matter if they're dark chocolate, carmel, or white as a sheet. Doesn't matter to me if English isn't their first language. My ancestors came to the New World for a different life in 1643. It's the same reason someone gets off the plane today.
Americans want to work together - it's why we try so hard to be liked by everyone, even if we have misgivings about a particular group. This is a natural outgrowth of the immigrant culture. On any day of the week I could be eating Italian, Chinese, Mexican, French, or any other ethnic food. And then there is of course that distinct mixture which is American. I can go to any house of worship in most big cities. I can join clubs and activist groups and protest on a regular basis. Sure, it's not perfect. It needs improving. That's why everyone who lives there needs to work some to make it better than it is. These are not finished projects. They're on-going. This is one of the reasons why even though I care about people around the world, and affirm their common humanity, I need to help get this house in order first. When there are as few problems as possible... (and granted these problems affect everywhere else in this era of globalization) then I'll move forward.
Here's to those American values which make this country great. Here's to making the country really great and getting our house in order for all Americans so then we can really address issues around the globe.
In love and peace,
A
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