New Bugs - Back Stateside

HEY ALL!!! I'm back in the states and thought I had better check in! I've been hiding in a hole this last week and a half. I'm still recovering from jet-lag and digestive re-adjustment. Eating a lot of beef despite system rejection has helped out alot. And plain yogurt. I highly recommend it.

People have been asking me, "what are the things you've taken from your experience in India?" and "what were your first reactions coming back to the states?" Well, I think I've answered the first question rather effectively in this blog (see earlier entries). I have not yet written about my experiences since coming back to California.

The short answer to this second question is, "Rough."

The long answer is related to some changes I've noticed in myself (which are unrelated to my strange sleep cycle and digestive readjustment, or even the few pounds I lost).

The first change/noticeable difference has something to do with boundaries. As I think I've stated before in earlier blog entries, India is a land with few rules. And the rules that do apply, tend to be ambiguous and change depending on context. An example is that a red light is not always applicable. If there are no cars coming, you go through it. That's the deal. And likewise lanes are suggestions, but not necessary depending on the situation. Needless to say, I am having a hard time getting used to the fact that no, I cannot squeeze my Volvo 850 into the bike lane (which is about 2/3 the size of an average Indian lane) to make a right on red, in order to move past these slowpokes who are ALSO planning on turning. That would be wrong here. But they've stopped. I should be able to go. There are NO CARS COMING!!! In a related car note, I love the mobility of having my own vehicle (despite any costs to myself) and have the incredible urge to beep my horn at everyone who is in my way who I think could easily move OUT of my way. When riding in my car, I think my frustration would be entertaining to my passengers. Ask Christian about it to find out more.

I've also noticed that I have a general enjoyment of dressing well. While this was a trend begun (primarily) in Hungary, it has only been further highlighted. This is to the point where I look for new and different ways that I can put different pieces of clothing together in a sort of playful/funky manner. This also involves the massive amounts of strange shoes in my closet and various pieces of jewelry.

This desire to dress well is separate from my new love of all that glitters. While in the US I have not really been a sparkly sort of person, since being in India, I have at least partially converted. I have sequined shirts which I plan to wear here. When and where I am unclear about. However I think I can get away with wearing them out to clubs and still being warm (unlike the many women who look like whores and end up freezing off any exposed parts). This doesn't just include sparkly shirts, but also jewelry (which I find I feel exposed without donning some combination of rings, bracelets, earrings, and necklaces) as well as makeup (which includes not only a little bit of kajal [eyeliner] or mascara, but also well done lips, foundation, and hair). Basically, I just need to be, as my college friend says 'on duty' all the time. This extended to having well manicured hands and pedicured feet. Eastern influence weighs heavily. I look for excuses to wear heels. Now THAT is really strange....

Politeness is something I miss and something that I have grown into even more. I don't mean to say that Americans are rude, but compared to Indian sensibilities, they are. I like people to call me "ma'am" when addressing me if they don't know me. I also like men to open doors for me. I like it if the person who obviously has more money at the table pays for the poorer people who are present. I like it that when I go somewhere the people serving me really serve me. I mean that they offer me chai (tea... not that wretched boxed stuff...or even the attempts that come in bags), biscuits (I mean cookies), and possibly even an entire meal, whether I will accept it or not. I like it when people are willing to humor me if I am making an effort to meet them where they are, even if I do a terrible job at it (attempting to observe customs etc). I like that people who are close (particularly female family, or close female friends) will kiss each other on the cheek accompanied by a hug.

Strangely enough, I like visible signs of religious affiliation. I mean, WHY really, WHY would you EVER hide it??? If you believe in God, talk about it. Wear a symbol of your belief. Embrace it completely. I'm trying to figure out what kind of symbol I'd like to wear... for now I still have pooja thread on my wrists, but who knows how long that will last. When I figure it out, I'll tell you.

I'm sure there are more things... but I can't think of them right now. When I figure them out, I'll add them to the list here. For the moment though, go easy on me. I'm still trying to figure myself out after my ordeal. Sometimes we go into the desert for 40 days, and sometimes we go to India for 6 months. Sometimes we disappear for years while still living in the same house we've always lived in. It takes a while to break back into ourselves - this transformed beast which has different limbs to used in different fashions. Breaking out of the cocoon is difficult. And sitting on the branch drying your wings is not easy. The urge to fly is great. Give me a month or so. Once I'm settled, I'm sure everyone will appreciate the way the sun shines through my translucent wings.

The "R" Word: Reflections on the Spiritual Trouble of Academics

I thought that perhaps my previous post would be the last post I made from India, however this past weekend I was in Bhopal, MP attending a conference called "Religion and Communalism." It was sponsored by "Peace and Justice" Bhopal, and People's Research Society (PRS). Like all academic conferences, it was a lot of talking (necessarily so) and most of the content was bashing religion. Papers had titles like "Religion as Wellspring of Communalism" or "Bad Hindutva, Good Hinduism?", and covered topics from secularism and science to terrorism and riots. My own paper was entitled "Beyong Mandirs and Masjids: Communitarianism Through Civil Society" and focused on social solutions to communalism (although the problem of communalism is by no means only social).

There were a few problems I had at the conference. The most predominant one was that everyone presented in Hindi while I presented in English. Discussions sessions were also conducted in Hindi...

So while I was greatful for finding out that I could understand much more than I expected, I realized just how little I understood and needed to be able to understand. Many of the papers were in English so I was able to give intelligent comments in response to what I read and this seemed to be appreciated despite the fact that I couldn't give my comments in Hindi. Sigh.

The other problem I had was content based. This is a problem that would have been in many places had the same topic been discussed. And actually, the fact this problem presented itself was far from surprising. That is religion bashing. Most of the people there, from what I could gather, were not religious. In fact, if they had been in the least, they probably would have admitted this only grudgingly. Poor bastards (Totally Unrelated Note: Did you ever wonder why there's a word in English for "fatherless child" but there's no word, at least not in popular usage, for "motherless child." Shows you who is more important.).

Now why is it that 'religious' has acquired a similar kind of nasty connotation that 'feminist' acquired? Well, that's a fairly straight forward one. 'Religious' for one, at least in academic circles, equals ' lemming.' And lemmings, for those who don't spend time with academics, are despised. Blind following of is not something that academics do. There needs to be questioning. There needs to be some sort of challenge to the thing. Apparently religion doesn't do this for many people, even though it's been my experience that the most spiritually mature individuals are those who have questioned and struggled. Struggle makes us grow. That's a good thing. Not too much, or that would break a person, but a little struggle is a good thing.

'Religious' also brings to mind a lack of logic or rationality. There's no reason or logic behind behavior that is motivated by belief, and therefore it is dangerous, and frankly should be stopped. This is how the argument goes. I would say they're missing it.

Religion is about the heart. It is not meant to be an awful thing. It is meant to explain the unexplainable, to articulate a code of ethics/provide a guide to living in society, and finally it is meant to nurture the heart. It is true that any set of scriptures can be interpretted a thousand ways, and even the most liberal thinking person's words and ideas can be used to create a lock-step regime. However, this is not only a religious phenomenon. It happens with every ideology. It happens with every philosophy which becomes manipulated by those in power to control and oppress those without.

Now, my guess is that something happened to these people to turn them off to religion. Maybe they are emotionally and intuitively dense and so they haven't experienced some of the magic that comes through religious experience. There is a reason we use this phrase 'religious experience' to explain something unusual and powerful. People often convert or come back to faith because of a strong experience. Quite a few people in the Bible had the same kind of thing happen to them - they had a moment of doubt or were embittered and suddenly God comes down and shows them something they could never have imagined.

I am not claiming that religion is perfect, or that religion has all the answers, but I will assert that like feminism, it's not necessarily a bad thing. It has it's place and it's worth, and prejudice, irrationality, faith, and belief affect all groups of people - even atheist social scientists.