New Bugs - Back Stateside

HEY ALL!!! I'm back in the states and thought I had better check in! I've been hiding in a hole this last week and a half. I'm still recovering from jet-lag and digestive re-adjustment. Eating a lot of beef despite system rejection has helped out alot. And plain yogurt. I highly recommend it.

People have been asking me, "what are the things you've taken from your experience in India?" and "what were your first reactions coming back to the states?" Well, I think I've answered the first question rather effectively in this blog (see earlier entries). I have not yet written about my experiences since coming back to California.

The short answer to this second question is, "Rough."

The long answer is related to some changes I've noticed in myself (which are unrelated to my strange sleep cycle and digestive readjustment, or even the few pounds I lost).

The first change/noticeable difference has something to do with boundaries. As I think I've stated before in earlier blog entries, India is a land with few rules. And the rules that do apply, tend to be ambiguous and change depending on context. An example is that a red light is not always applicable. If there are no cars coming, you go through it. That's the deal. And likewise lanes are suggestions, but not necessary depending on the situation. Needless to say, I am having a hard time getting used to the fact that no, I cannot squeeze my Volvo 850 into the bike lane (which is about 2/3 the size of an average Indian lane) to make a right on red, in order to move past these slowpokes who are ALSO planning on turning. That would be wrong here. But they've stopped. I should be able to go. There are NO CARS COMING!!! In a related car note, I love the mobility of having my own vehicle (despite any costs to myself) and have the incredible urge to beep my horn at everyone who is in my way who I think could easily move OUT of my way. When riding in my car, I think my frustration would be entertaining to my passengers. Ask Christian about it to find out more.

I've also noticed that I have a general enjoyment of dressing well. While this was a trend begun (primarily) in Hungary, it has only been further highlighted. This is to the point where I look for new and different ways that I can put different pieces of clothing together in a sort of playful/funky manner. This also involves the massive amounts of strange shoes in my closet and various pieces of jewelry.

This desire to dress well is separate from my new love of all that glitters. While in the US I have not really been a sparkly sort of person, since being in India, I have at least partially converted. I have sequined shirts which I plan to wear here. When and where I am unclear about. However I think I can get away with wearing them out to clubs and still being warm (unlike the many women who look like whores and end up freezing off any exposed parts). This doesn't just include sparkly shirts, but also jewelry (which I find I feel exposed without donning some combination of rings, bracelets, earrings, and necklaces) as well as makeup (which includes not only a little bit of kajal [eyeliner] or mascara, but also well done lips, foundation, and hair). Basically, I just need to be, as my college friend says 'on duty' all the time. This extended to having well manicured hands and pedicured feet. Eastern influence weighs heavily. I look for excuses to wear heels. Now THAT is really strange....

Politeness is something I miss and something that I have grown into even more. I don't mean to say that Americans are rude, but compared to Indian sensibilities, they are. I like people to call me "ma'am" when addressing me if they don't know me. I also like men to open doors for me. I like it if the person who obviously has more money at the table pays for the poorer people who are present. I like it that when I go somewhere the people serving me really serve me. I mean that they offer me chai (tea... not that wretched boxed stuff...or even the attempts that come in bags), biscuits (I mean cookies), and possibly even an entire meal, whether I will accept it or not. I like it when people are willing to humor me if I am making an effort to meet them where they are, even if I do a terrible job at it (attempting to observe customs etc). I like that people who are close (particularly female family, or close female friends) will kiss each other on the cheek accompanied by a hug.

Strangely enough, I like visible signs of religious affiliation. I mean, WHY really, WHY would you EVER hide it??? If you believe in God, talk about it. Wear a symbol of your belief. Embrace it completely. I'm trying to figure out what kind of symbol I'd like to wear... for now I still have pooja thread on my wrists, but who knows how long that will last. When I figure it out, I'll tell you.

I'm sure there are more things... but I can't think of them right now. When I figure them out, I'll add them to the list here. For the moment though, go easy on me. I'm still trying to figure myself out after my ordeal. Sometimes we go into the desert for 40 days, and sometimes we go to India for 6 months. Sometimes we disappear for years while still living in the same house we've always lived in. It takes a while to break back into ourselves - this transformed beast which has different limbs to used in different fashions. Breaking out of the cocoon is difficult. And sitting on the branch drying your wings is not easy. The urge to fly is great. Give me a month or so. Once I'm settled, I'm sure everyone will appreciate the way the sun shines through my translucent wings.