I've begun reading Thomas Moore's Dark Nights of the Soul, which I find to be a fascinating read. Even the introduction is rich with allusions to a variety of different mythologies and archetypes (so much so that I might be reading the work of Joseph Campbell's biggest fan...). It may have been this rich text that called to mind so many situations in my own life where his writing (and guidance) could apply.
The dark night is a time of rebirth, a cocoon or chrysalis where we move from being mere bodies into becoming souls. It is a maturing and transforming process. This echoes some of the conversations we had in our small group regarding times of trial and change and suffering - it was frequently a time of suffering or change where transformation and growth occurred in our lives. The death of a friend or a family member would often be the foundation for a new era of life.
Right now I feel I am in the middle of a dark night. It is painful and difficult because at the moment I feel like one era of my life is going through it's death pangs, while another is aborning. On the one hand I look at pictures of a single friend's recent birthday party and I think, "wow. I wish I could go out drinking and dancing and engage in general merriment like that." I lament the loss of those times, however I would not change any of the choices I've made in the past year, least of which marrying my husband. The obligations that come with living with someone, separating myself from my family, and creating a home with my life partner is a jarring yet simultaneously luminous experience. Add this together with the confusion I feel regarding my professional direction, and the mix becomes overwhelming.
There are times where it feels as if I am stuck in a sea of possibilities with shut doors, and others where there are not even walls. I pray that my lack of knowing and this incubation into a new era will lend some direction, some new step where God is calling me to go. If you are experiencing a similar situation, I wish the same for you.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
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I've not read that book Alexis... but the Desert Fathers talk about the dark night of the soul as being an absolutely necessary requirement in the spiritual journey if we are to find real spiritual maturity.
And it is likely an experience we have multiple times in our lives.
so, the good news, is that even though it is painful, it is a good thing to go through, and it does end (even if you visit it again at another time).
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