Fifteenth Chances and The Final Head Slap

It's been some time since I last wrote. No doubt some might wonder if I'm even still alive. I assure you (if this entry isn't enough confirmation) I am alive and kicking. There have been many things occupying my time and so I have had little time to share my thoughts with the world (and many of my thoughts were so mundanely practical, they seemed unworthy of world-wide sharing).

I know that many people think of God and religion as a waste of time. Perhaps academics have spent too little time on God, as the Enlightenment has prevented them from delving into the sacred. Indeed, humanity's interpretation of God's plan has led to many terrible things. This is undoubtedly true. And many people see only this, and are unable to see any other possibilities (things in the past that have proved there are other paths, as well as possible future directions).

That said, like many people who have understood the law of attraction (grin) what you see is what you get. We create our reality. Quantum physics has proved this on the subatomic level. And guess what? This rule has brought me back around to the things I strove against. The thing you push against is the thing you get. And here I am, contemplating seminary. *Sigh*

Let us hope that my vision is the right one...and I don't mean forever, or even today, but rather when it is supposed to be, the moment of exact influence. Even if it's not, let God use it to create beauty, wonder, and inertia in things to come. I am imperfect. But in the hands of God I am the perfect tool. Something to make the amazing happen, to inspire and encourage. Perhaps to shape the direction of many lives, of many institutions to come.

When we dedicate these decisions, submit our paths to the supreme compass, it is clear that one direction dominates. One way. That way of joy and love and growth shows itself in the first step. Only the first step is illumined. That's all I need. And when 10 different people tell you where to go and what to do, it seems pretty clear which step to take.

Apparently I needed to have a piano dropped on my head. We all have our failings.

Thank God for second and fifteenth chances....

New Bugs - Back Stateside

HEY ALL!!! I'm back in the states and thought I had better check in! I've been hiding in a hole this last week and a half. I'm still recovering from jet-lag and digestive re-adjustment. Eating a lot of beef despite system rejection has helped out alot. And plain yogurt. I highly recommend it.

People have been asking me, "what are the things you've taken from your experience in India?" and "what were your first reactions coming back to the states?" Well, I think I've answered the first question rather effectively in this blog (see earlier entries). I have not yet written about my experiences since coming back to California.

The short answer to this second question is, "Rough."

The long answer is related to some changes I've noticed in myself (which are unrelated to my strange sleep cycle and digestive readjustment, or even the few pounds I lost).

The first change/noticeable difference has something to do with boundaries. As I think I've stated before in earlier blog entries, India is a land with few rules. And the rules that do apply, tend to be ambiguous and change depending on context. An example is that a red light is not always applicable. If there are no cars coming, you go through it. That's the deal. And likewise lanes are suggestions, but not necessary depending on the situation. Needless to say, I am having a hard time getting used to the fact that no, I cannot squeeze my Volvo 850 into the bike lane (which is about 2/3 the size of an average Indian lane) to make a right on red, in order to move past these slowpokes who are ALSO planning on turning. That would be wrong here. But they've stopped. I should be able to go. There are NO CARS COMING!!! In a related car note, I love the mobility of having my own vehicle (despite any costs to myself) and have the incredible urge to beep my horn at everyone who is in my way who I think could easily move OUT of my way. When riding in my car, I think my frustration would be entertaining to my passengers. Ask Christian about it to find out more.

I've also noticed that I have a general enjoyment of dressing well. While this was a trend begun (primarily) in Hungary, it has only been further highlighted. This is to the point where I look for new and different ways that I can put different pieces of clothing together in a sort of playful/funky manner. This also involves the massive amounts of strange shoes in my closet and various pieces of jewelry.

This desire to dress well is separate from my new love of all that glitters. While in the US I have not really been a sparkly sort of person, since being in India, I have at least partially converted. I have sequined shirts which I plan to wear here. When and where I am unclear about. However I think I can get away with wearing them out to clubs and still being warm (unlike the many women who look like whores and end up freezing off any exposed parts). This doesn't just include sparkly shirts, but also jewelry (which I find I feel exposed without donning some combination of rings, bracelets, earrings, and necklaces) as well as makeup (which includes not only a little bit of kajal [eyeliner] or mascara, but also well done lips, foundation, and hair). Basically, I just need to be, as my college friend says 'on duty' all the time. This extended to having well manicured hands and pedicured feet. Eastern influence weighs heavily. I look for excuses to wear heels. Now THAT is really strange....

Politeness is something I miss and something that I have grown into even more. I don't mean to say that Americans are rude, but compared to Indian sensibilities, they are. I like people to call me "ma'am" when addressing me if they don't know me. I also like men to open doors for me. I like it if the person who obviously has more money at the table pays for the poorer people who are present. I like it that when I go somewhere the people serving me really serve me. I mean that they offer me chai (tea... not that wretched boxed stuff...or even the attempts that come in bags), biscuits (I mean cookies), and possibly even an entire meal, whether I will accept it or not. I like it when people are willing to humor me if I am making an effort to meet them where they are, even if I do a terrible job at it (attempting to observe customs etc). I like that people who are close (particularly female family, or close female friends) will kiss each other on the cheek accompanied by a hug.

Strangely enough, I like visible signs of religious affiliation. I mean, WHY really, WHY would you EVER hide it??? If you believe in God, talk about it. Wear a symbol of your belief. Embrace it completely. I'm trying to figure out what kind of symbol I'd like to wear... for now I still have pooja thread on my wrists, but who knows how long that will last. When I figure it out, I'll tell you.

I'm sure there are more things... but I can't think of them right now. When I figure them out, I'll add them to the list here. For the moment though, go easy on me. I'm still trying to figure myself out after my ordeal. Sometimes we go into the desert for 40 days, and sometimes we go to India for 6 months. Sometimes we disappear for years while still living in the same house we've always lived in. It takes a while to break back into ourselves - this transformed beast which has different limbs to used in different fashions. Breaking out of the cocoon is difficult. And sitting on the branch drying your wings is not easy. The urge to fly is great. Give me a month or so. Once I'm settled, I'm sure everyone will appreciate the way the sun shines through my translucent wings.

The "R" Word: Reflections on the Spiritual Trouble of Academics

I thought that perhaps my previous post would be the last post I made from India, however this past weekend I was in Bhopal, MP attending a conference called "Religion and Communalism." It was sponsored by "Peace and Justice" Bhopal, and People's Research Society (PRS). Like all academic conferences, it was a lot of talking (necessarily so) and most of the content was bashing religion. Papers had titles like "Religion as Wellspring of Communalism" or "Bad Hindutva, Good Hinduism?", and covered topics from secularism and science to terrorism and riots. My own paper was entitled "Beyong Mandirs and Masjids: Communitarianism Through Civil Society" and focused on social solutions to communalism (although the problem of communalism is by no means only social).

There were a few problems I had at the conference. The most predominant one was that everyone presented in Hindi while I presented in English. Discussions sessions were also conducted in Hindi...

So while I was greatful for finding out that I could understand much more than I expected, I realized just how little I understood and needed to be able to understand. Many of the papers were in English so I was able to give intelligent comments in response to what I read and this seemed to be appreciated despite the fact that I couldn't give my comments in Hindi. Sigh.

The other problem I had was content based. This is a problem that would have been in many places had the same topic been discussed. And actually, the fact this problem presented itself was far from surprising. That is religion bashing. Most of the people there, from what I could gather, were not religious. In fact, if they had been in the least, they probably would have admitted this only grudgingly. Poor bastards (Totally Unrelated Note: Did you ever wonder why there's a word in English for "fatherless child" but there's no word, at least not in popular usage, for "motherless child." Shows you who is more important.).

Now why is it that 'religious' has acquired a similar kind of nasty connotation that 'feminist' acquired? Well, that's a fairly straight forward one. 'Religious' for one, at least in academic circles, equals ' lemming.' And lemmings, for those who don't spend time with academics, are despised. Blind following of is not something that academics do. There needs to be questioning. There needs to be some sort of challenge to the thing. Apparently religion doesn't do this for many people, even though it's been my experience that the most spiritually mature individuals are those who have questioned and struggled. Struggle makes us grow. That's a good thing. Not too much, or that would break a person, but a little struggle is a good thing.

'Religious' also brings to mind a lack of logic or rationality. There's no reason or logic behind behavior that is motivated by belief, and therefore it is dangerous, and frankly should be stopped. This is how the argument goes. I would say they're missing it.

Religion is about the heart. It is not meant to be an awful thing. It is meant to explain the unexplainable, to articulate a code of ethics/provide a guide to living in society, and finally it is meant to nurture the heart. It is true that any set of scriptures can be interpretted a thousand ways, and even the most liberal thinking person's words and ideas can be used to create a lock-step regime. However, this is not only a religious phenomenon. It happens with every ideology. It happens with every philosophy which becomes manipulated by those in power to control and oppress those without.

Now, my guess is that something happened to these people to turn them off to religion. Maybe they are emotionally and intuitively dense and so they haven't experienced some of the magic that comes through religious experience. There is a reason we use this phrase 'religious experience' to explain something unusual and powerful. People often convert or come back to faith because of a strong experience. Quite a few people in the Bible had the same kind of thing happen to them - they had a moment of doubt or were embittered and suddenly God comes down and shows them something they could never have imagined.

I am not claiming that religion is perfect, or that religion has all the answers, but I will assert that like feminism, it's not necessarily a bad thing. It has it's place and it's worth, and prejudice, irrationality, faith, and belief affect all groups of people - even atheist social scientists.

100 Things I Learned in India

Thanks for following along my time in India, for the few posts it was worth. If you're interested in hearing specific stories about my time abroad or about my conclusions relating to religion, politics, and culture, I am more than happy to speak for your group or organization. Please drop a line or comment on this or another post.

This is just a laundry list of lessons, trivia, and observations from my time in India. It's in no particular order. Enjoy.

1. Everything exists in India. It is the land of extremes. Thus many Guiness World Records have been set, understandably, in India (like the longest beard or the longest fingernails).

2. Currently there are 4 Miss Worlds who have been Indian. Ms. Rai is my personal favorite (and probably the most popular).

3. Though the law states all people are equal, society has it's own rules and those include caste and class.

4. Servants are a regular thing here. Sometimes even the servants have servants.

5. People talk around things that are important (like feelings or about business situations or major life decisions) while telling you quite bluntly that you need to lose weight or you have zits all over your face.

6. Life is much more about feeling than thinking. So people become attached to others (even if they talk about you all the time behind your back) and so much so that if they feel someone has hurt you (whether you are hurt or not) they will find that person and maim them. Riots have started over things like this. Also many a murder case...

7. People can love (romantically) many people. But loving does not mean life partner. And it doesn't mean you do anything about it. Duty and commitment are important parts of life. Get over yourself.

8. Family is central. Family comes before self, before friends, before others. Though sometimes this might be expressed in strange ways in India, I think there is something Americans could learn from this.

9. Colors are a good idea and can be brought about naturally. It's called 'vegetable dye.'

10. Manicures do not necessarily mean scary looking fake nails. It can mean an exfoliation treatment, an arm oil massage and a natural nail polish (which is possible...I've SEEN them!).

11. The same goes for pedicures...

12. Staring doesn't necessarily mean that you are attractive. It could just be that you're weird looking (Weird here means not only strange in a cooky sort of way, but also unusual as in rare or extraordinary - i.e. wealthy looking.).

13. History is important. Learn it so you don't repeat it.

14. It's good to sing and dance in public, even if you're an adult, even if no one else around you is. Do it.

15. Men can wear shawls. And it looks HOT.

16. Here men can be publically affectionate with other men, and women with other women, but not to each other. And funnily enough, it's illegal to be gay. HA!

17. Bombs are part of many people's everyday lives. We should remember that we're blessed with an incredibly stable and civil society. 9/11 was bad, but there's been a lot worse events in many other places that happen much more frequently.

18. God is too big for one religion and historical context. Geography, culture, and history influence how people experience God. Some of those things might be problematic. Some of those things might be a little uncomfortable. But, if this different way brings a person closer to God, who am I to stop them?

19. Some things are universal. Some dance moves, and decoration I've seen everywhere, done by different groups of people at different times. Sooo we're all different, but we're all human. There's more similarity here than most people will admit.

20. My mom cooks food which is just as spicy if not spicier than a lot of Indian food. Different regions have different flavors, but still, thank God my mother exposed me to spicy food. Otherwise...

21. It's a lie that people lose weight here. I've been pretty much the same the whole time I've been here. You only lose weight if you get sick. If you're smart, you won't get sick. I've gotten some colds and the flu, but I've not gotten any serious illness or anything remotely strange here.

22. Mosquitos are a type of bird. They are all pervasive during the autumn months. Bug repellant is essential to life.

23. Pollution is a problem of development. It is noxious, it is awful, and it makes a person feel like they are smoking over a pack a day. How can we solve the issue of pollution while providing India and other countries an avenue to wealth formation? That I have not figured out.

24. Hair is an asset. Mustard oil is supposed to be the best type of oil, even if it smells like, well, mustard. Heat it up and massage it into your scalp and hair. Leave it on for at the very least 30 minutes. After, shampoo (sometimes two or three times depending on your hair and how much oil you used), condition, rinse. If you blow dry, use an ionizing dryer. Otherwise your oil treatment is pretty much neutralized.

25. Kajal, or black eyeliner, is a fundamental tool of the Indian woman's make-up arsenal. It is also used by the poor (especially, all though not exclusively) in dusty regions to protect the eyes from dust - so children and men may also wear it.

26. Camels are in India. I didn't realize they were here until I went to Jaipur. On the road they are used like horses - transportation and they pull carts as well. My Indian shoes are also made of camel leather (sorry animal activists, but they haven't made a synthetic fiber that can compare to leather...it's still the best.).

27. Elephants are really tall. This might seem intuitive, but when you're riding one it really hits home.

28. Tigers and leopards hang out in the forests all over the place. Sometimes, if you're staying near a jungle area, they even scratch at your door at night. How crazy is that?

29. Christians are second class citizens, even though they do incredible service work here in India. There is a strong fear of conversion among the dominant religious group, Hindus, and so Christian organizations are monitored very closely.

30. Hound dogs really smell. I'm never getting one. There's a great dane in the house where I stay and his breath alone (added with the smell of his body generally) is like a weapon of mass destruction. Seriously, they might be able to market that...

31. Chows are evil. They are moody and they get offended easily. But they are really adorable to look at. I suggest admiring from afar.

32. We get ripped off for jewelry in the US, as well as health care. So make a trip to India, get your surgery done, AND buy some really nice gems. Two for the price of traveling to a foreign country! Nice!

33. The Taj is not as spectacular as people lead you to believe. It is nicer because of the stories surrounding it's creation. That said, you should see it for that very reason. And if you can, propose to your significant other there, or (i don't know if this is possible) get married there!

34. If you've seen one piece of Mughal architecture you've seen them all. Really. They were all built around the same time by basically the same three people. Spend your time looking at some temples and some other palaces instead.

35. Hippies are alive and well... in India. They've kind of taken over the hill stations. It's rather disturbing.

36. Tourists can be identified using these three factors: their skin, their large waistline, and the sporting of goofy looking broad brimmed hats.

37. Summer is used to melt things...like white people. Don't come here during summer. Come early fall or late spring. Otherwise you have to bring warm clothes and lots of bug repellant.

38. India is the land of almost. Don't buy pizza here (especially if you're from the East Coast...you'll be really disappointed). Although they do make decent crusty bread (surprisingly).

39. Chai is amazing. Once you've had it, you'll never patronize Starbucks again (for their boxed chai and maybe even their coffee). It also has different flavors depending on the chaiwala...so patronize a bunch and enjoy!

40. Every temple has holy food or prashad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bland, sometimes it's just scary. So, give offerings at your own risk.

41. The Himalayas are amazing, both the lesser and the greater. Visit them if you can.

42. Delhi is gross. It is loud, busy, and grimy. If you like LA you'll like Delhi. Otherwise... forget it.

43. Small villages are quaint. Go to one with a person who is well connected to the place. You'll be treated like royalty.

44. People are incredibly hospitable. Accept their hospitality carefully - sometimes it can be overwhelming. Other times it's not right for you (for whatever reason). Say no in such a way that you won't hurt the person's feelings.

45. Depending on who you talk to, you'll find that Hindi and Urdu are Siamese twins. But good luck finding any similarity between scripts!

46. Coffee here is usually instant unless you ask specifically for french press style coffee. Drink at your own risk.

47. Indian sweets are REALLY sweet. Diabetics should stick to savory foods. Those in fear of diabetes, stick to savory foods. That said, kheer is lovely and so is this Indian fudge called barfi (made with either almond paste or pistachio paste).

48. Nuts are also known as 'dried fruit.'

49. Actions aren't completed, they're on-going. For example, "You are looking lovely in all these pictures I'm seeing."

50. Get used to terms of endearment, primarily 'darling,' 'sweetie,' 'honey,' and 'baby.'

51. Western wear is popular in cities. So bring a pair of jeans.

52. If you do wear Indian dress, consult an Indian on some of these things. And don't wear them if you look stiff and awkward in it. Only wear it if you really feel comfortable in it. Sometimes it's just weird to watch Westerners wearing this clothing....it looks contrived.

53. Watch some Bollywood movies. Do it in the comfort of your own home with subtitles. Indian movie theaters are an experience in themselves... best saved for a group of people and a movie in English (unless you're fluent in Hindi).

54. There are an enormous number of French in Delhi. I think they have plans of over-running the city.

55. It's a new trend for Westerners to live in India because the cost of living is so cheap and you can have a life of luxury on the same amount of income that was bringing you a middleclass life in your home country.

56. India is not for everyone. You pretty much either love it or hate it. And even if you hate, sometimes you still have to come back. It's kind of like a Greek or Italian mother giving you a guilt trip. You're required to return.

57. There are awful/selfish rich people everywhere.

58. There are good people everywhere - and some of them even have money!

59. Addiction is everywhere, and always for the same reasons.

60. If you are looking at adoption, I suggest you consider adopting a child from India. Particularly girl babies from the north as alot of those are abandoned in favor of male children who are perceived to be a lesser burden.

61. Some Indians look Mexican. Others look French or Italian. Others look Chinese. In another part of the world... they'd blend right in. It's kind of similar to Brazil in that way... :-D

62. Indian roads are like obstacle courses. You have autorickshaws, bicycle rickshaws, cows, horse carts, scooters, motorcycles, buses, cars, and trucks all sharing the road. All of that, and traffic rules are pretty much considered optional.

63. In fact, rules are optional. You only obey them when there might be a penalty for getting caught breaking them.

64. There is a worse danger of spoiled rich child here because children, particularly sons, are pampered until they get married. Be advised.

65. Politics is about money (surprise) and popularity.

66. Religion is a tool used by political parties (another surprise).

67. Beggars are everywhere...and there are all kinds of issues surrounding giving them money.

68. Motorcycles aren't so scary at low speeds.

69. Monkeys are aggressive and the brown ones are down right evil. Blackfaced white ones are good luck

70. Elephants are good luck.

71. Every action boils down to whether it is a good idea considering your sign, number, and whether it is an auspicious time to complete such an action.

72. The first invitation to a major event always goes to the gods.

73. Ganesh is usually portrayed with a rat because he is the god of hospitality and the remover of obstacles, and if you're doing well, you'll always have a rat suckling up to you.

74. Business in India corrupts the soul when it involves working with politicians. Fair is a bad word in that arena.

75. Every person is on their own path. Thus, it doesn't matter what you do, and often doesn't matter how your actions affect other people. You only act in consideration of others if it feels good to you. There is no incentive to do so.

76. Skin conditions are 'allergies.' If you have something that is a hereditary or even a non-contractable disease, don't tell people. You'll be stigmatized something close to 'leper.'

77. Kerala is a charmed state. Visit it if you can.

78. Goa is the only place in India where it is safe for a woman to be on her own. Otherwise you are dependent on male protectors.

79. Public space is male dominated. Night is not safe for women in most areas.

80. Violence is a part of everyday life. After all, there's so many people, with so many differences, it's bound to happen sometime. It's a miracle it doesn't happen more than it does.

81. Most people have something they want from you. Be explicit in what you are able or not able to give them.

82. Most vendors will try to rip you off if you are white. Take an Indian to bargain with them, or just ask for a significantly lower rate. Or speak to them in Hindi. You'll come out alright.

83. Discuss religion and/or politics with care.

84. Discuss anything with high status men with care. They will likely not listen to/dismiss you, say something that is untrue or infuriating, as well as not let you even speak.

85. If you're nice and genuine you can make anything happen here.

86. Organizations run differently - be advised that it will take several meetings before anything substantial happens.

87. Mornings are slow. Everything happens in the afternoon or evening.

88.Your actions are your business, so as long as they don't affect others close to you in an adverse way, you can pretty much get away with anything.

89. Money and connections are the inroads here. Without them, you're SOL.

90. Trash is everywhere. Garbage cans are optional.

91. Grime is everywhere. Cleaning is optional.

92. Sikh temples are clean and they give you a free and tasty lunch. What a lovely religion!

93. You can get every clothing item custom made. Think merino wool suit custom tailored, for $50.

94. Forget about good cheap sunglasses. Fashion imports are ridiculously expensive.

95. Every space is a potential place for expression. Why shouldn't things be decorated?

96. Infrastructure may not work properly, but at least we have the internet and cell phones!

97. Arranged marriage happens primarily in provencial areas. Now most marriages are assisted (so you meet and date a couple times and then get married).

98. There are so many butterflies here. In colors and combinations I had never seen.

99. Beauty can be found in unexpected times and places. You just need to be open to it.

100. Life is full of surprises. Don't be afraid to invite them and accept them. It could be that someone has gifts, blessings, and opportunities lined up for you, if only you're ready for them.

Namaste!