In the past two weeks there's been so many things to write about, and yet nothing at all. It's the day after Thanksgiving - Black Friday. I don't usually go shopping, but I hadn't yet gotten anything for anyone so I decided I would wander around the malls and brave the 10 person lines for lower prices. I ended up having quite the successful spree. It's just the everyday intensified. I've been noticing that recently. Everyday is more or less the same. You have a routine, the excitement is the break in the routine.
So what is a break in the routine? What is mundane, but more so? It could be an extra bill to pay this month. It could be a birth, a wedding, a death. It could be a sober day in the middle of ten drunk ones. It could be thinking about someone else instead of thinking about yourself. Sometimes it's as small as brushing your teeth with the opposite hand... or just one hand (for those unusual ambidextrous persons).
Well, maybe those are mundane. Maybe they aren't. Maybe it's having a slight cold for weeks upon weeks while getting up and doing the same thing over and over again. That's depressing. I can't stand doing the same thing over and over again. As I watched the people shopping, flitting past me in the department stores and the warehouse discount stores, I kept thinking about them. I wondered - when will I be like these families with 2 or 3 children wandering around the store looking for the absolute lowest prices? standing in line at the toy store? driving a van or a station wagon? carting kids off to classes, clubs, and sports? working at a job where I am completely disassociated from the product of my labor?
I wonder. Can a person be content in that? Hollywood is kind enough to make movies about people rediscovering the mundane. I mean, is it ok to settle down and make a life that is less than extraordinary? Is it ok to blend into suburbia? Is there anything wrong with that? Why isn't blending in glorified? Why is it so important to be independent? Why is it so essential to stand out? Why can't connection and harmony be glorified for once? Why can't community be emphasized? Why can't getting along with your neighbors be the goal, instead of running into your house and ignoring the people who live on either side of you? or even the people who live down the block?
I can't imagine blending in. I never seem to look like all the other people I see walking down the street. It's not a conscious effort. At the same time, I'm not outrageous in my appearance. I don't wear striped stockings and dye my hair crazy colors. Does that mean I don't blend in? Or does it mean I do within a certain range?
Is it better to go out drinking with friends every weekend to forget all these things I've thought, or is it better to hide inside at night and obsess over these things? I've done it both ways. It doesn't make a difference. You end up feeling the same way in the morning.
What makes this whole thing worthwhile? What's the point of going on in this "mundane but more so" existence? I could answer that religion, or faith makes a difference. I would answer this way because it's the only thing that keeps me from falling off the edge most of the time. It's the thing that I use to answer all the difficult questions. I don't know how truthful it is, and I don't know if truth matters at this point. I'm not sure if I can always use it to answer my questions any more. Sometimes I think the only way anyone can really use it as an excuse is if they have some kind of out-of-body experience. I can see how that might change even the most mundane existence into the extraordinary. Cancer could do the same thing for other people. I'm not offering cancer as the answer to "perpetual rut," but it would put a new spin on things just because you would learn to appreciate mundane things VERY quickly.
My vote is for the out-of-body experience. Or an encounter that is inexplicable. I think that would be a lot more fun. And just think, you could never tell anyone except other people who believe in those kinds of things - because most people would think you were nuts.
Very encouraging.
I still go with the 'hallucination' over terminal illness.
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