Remember Purpose

It is easy to forget. Sometimes I forget my motivation. Sometimes I forget the papers I need. Sometimes I forget what information is due what time to which person. Sometimes I forget why I began walking this way for this year.

Then I see them. They are full of life, and so much promise. I see them and the walls that the world forces upon them. I see the results of their broken families, of learning differences, of a native language other than English and I see their struggle.

There is only one reason why I do this, why I focus my life the way I do. If I can change fate, if I can stack the deck the opposite direction, if I can plant a mustard seed, I will have accomplished what I set out to do. Their struggle will not disappear from my actions, this is true. Even still, the bonds we make, and the time I give to them to nourish these plants that grow out of twisted cement cracks, is enough. One will become a tree.

I don’t do this to see numbers. Numbers do not measure my success. They are not helpful and do not show the real fruit of this labor. A child breaking out of their shell, beginning to answer questions in class, volunteering to read, this is my success. One is enough. Yet how do I know I reached even one? I know because of the smiles I get as I pass. I know because of the waves I get as I walk. I know because of the explosion of excitement that happens when I walk into a classroom. “Can I read with you?” “Can you help me?” “Where were you?” “Hey! Guess what?!”

Even when I am tired, even when I am upset, when I see them, when I know their need, my tiredness disappears for that moment. We are there. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to explain. I explain seven times, eight, twenty. I listen to their problems, to the walls they cannot break through, when no one else can listen. Someone cares for them. Someone loves them just because, and they know they are a gift. They see their worth.

That is the moment that makes it all worth it. That is the moment when it comes full circle. I remember.