Church Search 1: Beatitudes Sat 5:00

This is the first of our Church Search review entries. If you ever decide to move to Phoenix, I hope this will be useful information for you. If you never come to Phoenix, I hope it will at least be entertaining. Churches will be rated on the "wine scale." 1 bottle is basically a temple of moneychangers, 5 bottles is "not doing harm, but your not doing anything for us," and 10 bottles is the wedding feast at Cana (aka AWESOME and likely the winner of our search).

Our first church worship experience was at the Church of the Beatitudes' Saturday 5 pm service. The church is in a prime location on the corner of W. Glendale and N. 7th Avenue. It caught my eye because it is a UCC church which I know to be a particularly theologically liberal denomination and the name (which focuses on Jesus' sermon on the mount and issues of social justice). We decided to attend the 5 pm service because we thought it would be slightly more contemporary and have younger faces in the congregation.

I was surprised by the size of the property (large by Santa Barbara standards) equipped with numerous task specific buildings. It was clear by the demographics even in the parking lot that it was a liberal church (think: Castro Street). Fortunately they had placed clear signage instructing newcomers where to go for the service (as it would have been easy to get lost). I was pleased to see a homeless man comfortably listening to his boom box in front of the Sunday morning sanctuary.

When we entered the fellowship hall, a square room with a stage, high ceilings, and stain glass windows depicting theologians across the ages, we were immediately greeted by the female pastor. I was pleased (and not surprised) to see a female pastor. After that another man greeted us (he had an earring, again not surprising) and directed us to sit wherever we liked. There was a meal (potluck, maybe?) tables, and couches. Around the space were displays depicting and explaining a number of different ministries in which members participated or the church sponsored. The ones I noticed addressed poverty, age, and the environment. In addition, there was a large banner displaying the Toastmasters' group awards (apparently a Toastmasters group meets there regularly). We were given 8.5 x 11" sized booklets talking about the ministries, the service, and other random church items.

We sat down on a couch. The man who greeted us upon entrance sat next to us. Another man came over and introduced himself right before the service started, but it was unclear who he was and he only said his name very quietly right before jettisoning away.

The members were mostly older, with a few young faces (who looked to be in high school as opposed to attending on their own steam). They had a projector and a younger looking man operating the computer attached , but he was sitting boredly in front, in plain view of everyone.

A woman stood up behind a mic and a man stood next to her at another mic. They told everyone to stand and gestured for people to clap (good luck with an Anglo crowd!). The music was recorded. Hmm. The next few songs were led by the woman singing and the man played the piano. There was no apparent theme to the subject in the songs or the images on the screen. The images during the prayers and readings changed and did not appear to be related to one another.

The scripture was from Exodus. Snore. The reader gave an editorial speech beforehand as if anyone in the crowd wasn't churched. Uh huh. This seems like a brimestone passage as opposed to the kind of theological meal I was expecting from a UCC church. Hmm. Both of us checked out during that whole deal.

There was communion by intinction, which I took feeling like I needed to in order to participate in some normal church ritual (I did receive the requisite stares for being someone different as I walked down the center aisle).

Finally the jettison man got up and sat in front of everyone. Apparently he is the co-pastor (I wonder is it a married couple? It's not clear from the booklet they gave out). Before he speaks he has a preview for a movie with one of the Owen brothers in it. It looks like a movie I'd like to see. He then goes on to tell a long seemingly unrelated story about some experience he had with a member from another pastorate. He takes a long time trying to tie the movie preview, the scripture, and his ridiculously long and complicated story together.

I know everyone has an off week - my dad always quoted his seminary preaching professor who said you have 1 amazing, 2 good to okay, and 1 terrible sermon per month. I know I've been spoiled by two amazing Baptist preachers as parents, but still. This was bad. He mentioned he had a doctorate in counseling. I think he should stick to that. We both decided we wanted to hear the woman preach, and we had no idea what she would be like.

At the end of the service the jettison pastor gave some benedictory words. Thinking it was over I tell Christian we should leave. Nope - not yet. There's their traditional semi-circle SUNG benediction (which I might add has NOTHING to do with anything that's occurred in the service, but perhaps it was their bid at liturgy maintenance). At this, I'm stuck in the semi-circle next to the inspired reader, and Christian is next to jettison pastor. Inspired reader informs me it's tradition. I got that from the song leader who directed us into the semi-circle, thanks. Christian told me later the pastor APOLOGIZED, "but it's tradition." He shook our hands and thanked us for coming. We promptly bolted (think the Jamaican runner from Beijing).

Sooo... it seemed like this service was a poor attempt at trying to appeal to the emerging church, but really was only speaking to the Boomer generation already in attendance. The church seems to be doing some wonderful things, and is clearly socially minded. Unfortunately the worship experience sucked. "It was like a junior high sunday school experience." So how many wine bottles does this get? We'll give them 6 bottles because their hearts were in the right place and they aren't detrimental in any way. Remember, this is a rating based SOLELY on the Saturday 5 pm service. We have NO IDEA what Sunday morning is like. Attend at your discretion. And by all means volunteer with these people, because it seems like they have a lot of enthusiasm for living Jesus' message just based on their community involvement displays.