I've begun reading Thomas Moore's Dark Nights of the Soul, which I find to be a fascinating read. Even the introduction is rich with allusions to a variety of different mythologies and archetypes (so much so that I might be reading the work of Joseph Campbell's biggest fan...). It may have been this rich text that called to mind so many situations in my own life where his writing (and guidance) could apply.
The dark night is a time of rebirth, a cocoon or chrysalis where we move from being mere bodies into becoming souls. It is a maturing and transforming process. This echoes some of the conversations we had in our small group regarding times of trial and change and suffering - it was frequently a time of suffering or change where transformation and growth occurred in our lives. The death of a friend or a family member would often be the foundation for a new era of life.
Right now I feel I am in the middle of a dark night. It is painful and difficult because at the moment I feel like one era of my life is going through it's death pangs, while another is aborning. On the one hand I look at pictures of a single friend's recent birthday party and I think, "wow. I wish I could go out drinking and dancing and engage in general merriment like that." I lament the loss of those times, however I would not change any of the choices I've made in the past year, least of which marrying my husband. The obligations that come with living with someone, separating myself from my family, and creating a home with my life partner is a jarring yet simultaneously luminous experience. Add this together with the confusion I feel regarding my professional direction, and the mix becomes overwhelming.
There are times where it feels as if I am stuck in a sea of possibilities with shut doors, and others where there are not even walls. I pray that my lack of knowing and this incubation into a new era will lend some direction, some new step where God is calling me to go. If you are experiencing a similar situation, I wish the same for you.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
There's no one like me! Well, maybe Penelope...
I first noticed the box at the movie store and thought, "This is kind of quirky. I like the actors... I should see this some time." Granted, I tend to go for more large screen type epics. Theatrical effects, both live action stunts and CG environments are generally my cup of tea. Perhaps it was the stockings, or the scarf, or the funny coat, I'm not sure. I've seen people review this movie and say that the premise is all flubbed. However, when I look at this main character I see myself just out of high school.
You see as much as people like to say that Christina Ricci does not make a hideous looking character, the reality is that at first glance most people will stare. We could go V for Vendetta style and cover the main character with scars, but usually that gruesome of an appearance gives us a more angst ridden tale which tends to end tragically. No one wanting to watch Penelope wants tragic. They want love, discovery, and a personal journey. They want a real life fantasy.
I've noticed that movies and stories have taken a recent twist towards the half way. People don't want something that is all fantasy. It's like having one of those wretched drinks at Starbucks that is all sugar and no coffee. On the other hand, when you're going to Starbucks you also don't want straight coffee - no black coffee here! People don't usually want straight reality. They don't want realistic blood, death, mourning, or unrequited love. When the world outside seems so depressing, so awful, people want a little hope. They want it to seem tangible. They want a cappuccino or a mocha. They want a latte with some cinnamon sprinkled on top.
I give you Penelope...
I could see myself, and so many of my friends as Penelope because she was quirky, cool, talented, and told repeatedly by outside forces that she wasn't perfect. Even the most gorgeous of women (and even men) often feel like they are ugly or unattractive, maybe on the high side of things - just normal.
Even though I had some people telling me that I was beautiful, I inherently found my flaws and they became huge gaping holes in my appearance. I noticed what was wrong with me before what was right. I thought I was an ugly, inconsequential person. Perhaps this was one of the main reasons why I chose to do what I did when I was in junior high and high school - the crazy stockings, the quirky dresses, the vintage and second-hand clothes. Perhaps that's why I dyed my hair and cut it into all kinds of crazy combinations.
At some point in college, or in between schools (ah, transferring, a necessary evil) I came to know myself for what I was. I began to see myself the way others saw me.
Santa Barbara solidified that knowledge of myself, for better or worse. It is only now outside of the place (perhaps forever) that I can see what it did to me. Some of the things were small (walking taller), others large (like being comfortable playing with make-up and high-heels. I blame Larissa for that. ;-)). You may laugh at this set of realizations, but they had a severe impact on me.
Appearance is as strongly effected by who you are on the inside as the outside. When you feel like you are small, inconsequential or unattractive, you become so. When you feel beautiful and confident and amazing, you are equally so. So if you walk into every room expecting all eyes to at the very least glance at you if not down right leer, they will. I know it for a fact. And if you walk into a room wanting to be confused for a man or a woman (the opposite of your apparent gender) you will be. I also know that for a fact (think highschool, halloween, greaser costume in the guidance counselor's waiting room - it was terrible).
Penelope is wonderful. The character is a pleasure - you grow to really love her. She is beautiful with her nose and ears (to the point where you miss it at the end, just like Beast in Beauty and the Beast). It is also the only movie in a LONG time where my heart leapt with the romantic chemistry (I won't explain exactly as I think you should go see it, but I'm sure you'll understand what I mean once you have).
The moral of the story: Own up to how amazing and wonderful and beautiful you are, with all your faults and snaggle teeth and warts and wrinkles and moles. Who cares about your annoying laugh or the constant throat clearing or the fact you always chew with your mouth open?!
You're great just the way you are.
God thinks so, and I do too. :-D
Friday, November 14, 2008
Metamorphosis - Human into Child of God
My mother (though it could have been both parents) once told me that maybe the Son of God thing has been read all wrong. Perhaps Jesus was just able to actualize himself, truly became human in a way that no one has that made him the Son of God. That is to say, that if we chose, we might be able to do the same. Actualization. Truly Human. Running on all cylinders.
People talk about how we have all kinds of hidden talents and abilities we simply cut off from use and therefore they atrophy from disuse... making it nearly impossible to truly be ourselves. I'm thinking of all those as my father affectionately calls them, "hooby-dooby" traits. That is abilities like empathy, telekinesis, telepathy, clairvoyance.
Certainly there is a degree of choice involved to let certain abilities go to the wayside - so yes, it's okay to choose to not pursue music as a career if you don't like loud late night outings 6 days a week. But to forget, to never open your mind to some of the things we SHOULD be able to do... those capabilities that we have that have become weak with disuse, it seems almost criminal.
A lot of people (and groups) claim to have the "prophetic voice" for this day in age. I think that's impossible. They may say things that sound similar to prophecy, but really, can a prophet call him or herself a prophet? Is that allowable? What qualifies a person as a prophet?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the obvious - if you haven't at least TRIED to actualize your humanity, you cannot be a prophet. Some of those gifts and talents we all possess to some degree must be developed at least in part. Then once you have honed some of those skills, then you can begin to act. Take your dreams and act on them. Hear and see the signs and respond to them. Act according to God's will on behalf of people and this planet and then you may yet prove to be a prophet.
I have a long way to go towards actualizing my humanity. If I pulled an A.J. Jacobs and attempted to discipline myself in systematic ways I may come closer. Practice after all, makes perfect. If I continued working with my lucid dreaming and kept a dream journal diligently I may come closer to understanding the currents of our society and spiritual will, or maybe just the currents of myself. It's hard to know.
What I do know is that the more time you spend on something the more like that something you become. So if you spend most of your time practicing being grateful, you become grateful. If you think of yourself as a loving person, you become more loving. So it follows, if you begin to see yourself as an actualized person, you would become actualized (or at least somewhere closer than you are now).
The busy work you do during your day is not enough to keep you from this if you really want it. The kids, the pets, house, money issues, car issues, and spousal relationship are not enough to keep you away unless you want to be kept away. Make time. Spend time with God. Spend time creating and listening and meditating. Spend waking time dreaming. In one month's time I assure you, you will definitely see effects.
People talk about how we have all kinds of hidden talents and abilities we simply cut off from use and therefore they atrophy from disuse... making it nearly impossible to truly be ourselves. I'm thinking of all those as my father affectionately calls them, "hooby-dooby" traits. That is abilities like empathy, telekinesis, telepathy, clairvoyance.
Certainly there is a degree of choice involved to let certain abilities go to the wayside - so yes, it's okay to choose to not pursue music as a career if you don't like loud late night outings 6 days a week. But to forget, to never open your mind to some of the things we SHOULD be able to do... those capabilities that we have that have become weak with disuse, it seems almost criminal.
A lot of people (and groups) claim to have the "prophetic voice" for this day in age. I think that's impossible. They may say things that sound similar to prophecy, but really, can a prophet call him or herself a prophet? Is that allowable? What qualifies a person as a prophet?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the obvious - if you haven't at least TRIED to actualize your humanity, you cannot be a prophet. Some of those gifts and talents we all possess to some degree must be developed at least in part. Then once you have honed some of those skills, then you can begin to act. Take your dreams and act on them. Hear and see the signs and respond to them. Act according to God's will on behalf of people and this planet and then you may yet prove to be a prophet.
I have a long way to go towards actualizing my humanity. If I pulled an A.J. Jacobs and attempted to discipline myself in systematic ways I may come closer. Practice after all, makes perfect. If I continued working with my lucid dreaming and kept a dream journal diligently I may come closer to understanding the currents of our society and spiritual will, or maybe just the currents of myself. It's hard to know.
What I do know is that the more time you spend on something the more like that something you become. So if you spend most of your time practicing being grateful, you become grateful. If you think of yourself as a loving person, you become more loving. So it follows, if you begin to see yourself as an actualized person, you would become actualized (or at least somewhere closer than you are now).
The busy work you do during your day is not enough to keep you from this if you really want it. The kids, the pets, house, money issues, car issues, and spousal relationship are not enough to keep you away unless you want to be kept away. Make time. Spend time with God. Spend time creating and listening and meditating. Spend waking time dreaming. In one month's time I assure you, you will definitely see effects.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
1001 Thoughts: Directions to a Calling
You may remember I was strongly considering seminary. I've decided to hold off on applying. I say this knowing that in 5 minutes time I may come to a completely different conclusion, and it is for that reason I think I cannot and should not go. With a mind so torn and a heart so hesitant, it seems it is not the right place or time.
That said, I know even as I told a friend of mine today, that ministers are not only made but are born. In fact, in many ways, it is much more likely to be born a minister than to be made into one. As a mentor and friend told me, one is a minister through action. A person can act a pastor without having the title "pastor" (just as, unfortunately, the opposite can hold true).
My love has always been to spread compassion and to move and transform conflict. My personal choices have always been around social change and understanding between people. Now it seems even more so, I find the difference between when I talk about seminary (which makes me anxious) and when I talk about interfaith dialogue, peace, and social change through interfaith cooperation.
As I explore some of the thoughts in Zen and The Art of Making a Living I find myself hopeful by the fact that yes, pursuing interfaith dialogue and cooperation is a fool's errand. It is so large, and so wonderful people find it to be too good to be true. Yet there are small interfaith groups sprouting up all over the world and all over our own country. It was only 100 years ago that Vivekananda spoke in Chicago about moving past petty differences and seeking those points of similarity between faiths. Some thought he was silly, others thought he had a point. At the time, nothing really became of it. Now we have movies like Kingdom of Heaven showing both poor interaction between faiths and successful cooperation between them. There is no doubt we have a long road ahead of us, and there is equally no doubt that we have traveled far.
Some might question my personal conviction regarding my own faith. "How can you say these others have any validity? You must not be a true Christian." To them I say this, have you truly wrestled with your convictions? Have you battled your demons of doubt and come out triumphant? When you have done this, then you are truly a person of your faith. A person born into a faith who has never questioned their faith completely and fully, cannot question a person who went out into their desert for 40 days and came out carried by angels. If you have not questioned, you cannot claim. If you cannot claim, you are not. You may tend towards a faith, but you are not ready to live the faith. You are not really ready to strive to become a better person. You are not ready to seek a deep and thoughtful relationship with the divine.
God is too large for any one person to know completely. To assume we know God's entire will would be foolhardy and presumptive. To assume that my way is the only way is foolish and presumptive. To say that I have the spiritual patent on truth is preposterous.
I do believe in my heart of hearts that Jesus' teachings and YHWH's Kingdom are the best and most direct path to God and spiritual truth. I will not deny it. However, I cannot say that Christianity is the best way for Indians, Chinese, and Egyptians. Cultural context is important. Geographical history is important. Family is important. Politics (sorry it's true) are important. Socio-economics are important. All these factors contribute to a situation where one faith may be a better (or direct) path to the Divine.
In the end, it is not which path we took, but it is the fact that we took a path at all that matters.
In Zen and The Art of Making a Living the author talks about how each person must interact with 4 Jungian archetypes (or primary myths). One of them, and the most important beginning, is the Hero. NOTE: It turns out "hero" and "heretical" are etymologically related. Huh. It makes me feel a little better about my fierce independence.
The Hero is the one who journeys. He (or she) strives after the idea, the goal, the dream. It may be a "fool's errand" and the Hero is ridiculed because often the thing worth striving for is the thing that seems most unlikely to the socially conventional. However, with persistence (especially through another archetype, the Warrior) it can be realized. Even through failure the Hero is successful because they journeyed. Heroes lay themselves out bare and naked and vulnerable. The journey can be a lonely one, especially at those times of fierce ridicule. Still...
I've said before and I'll say it again. You may not be happy doing your calling. BUT once you've heard your call, you can't be happy doing anything else.
This is a prayerful poem I wrote today:
Heart of hearts,
Find me like a heat-seeking missile
Destroying the false
Pretense
That which would lead me astray.
Leave only that of the purest call
Lonely
Hauntingly
Leading me
Embracingly
I become.
That said, I know even as I told a friend of mine today, that ministers are not only made but are born. In fact, in many ways, it is much more likely to be born a minister than to be made into one. As a mentor and friend told me, one is a minister through action. A person can act a pastor without having the title "pastor" (just as, unfortunately, the opposite can hold true).
My love has always been to spread compassion and to move and transform conflict. My personal choices have always been around social change and understanding between people. Now it seems even more so, I find the difference between when I talk about seminary (which makes me anxious) and when I talk about interfaith dialogue, peace, and social change through interfaith cooperation.
As I explore some of the thoughts in Zen and The Art of Making a Living I find myself hopeful by the fact that yes, pursuing interfaith dialogue and cooperation is a fool's errand. It is so large, and so wonderful people find it to be too good to be true. Yet there are small interfaith groups sprouting up all over the world and all over our own country. It was only 100 years ago that Vivekananda spoke in Chicago about moving past petty differences and seeking those points of similarity between faiths. Some thought he was silly, others thought he had a point. At the time, nothing really became of it. Now we have movies like Kingdom of Heaven showing both poor interaction between faiths and successful cooperation between them. There is no doubt we have a long road ahead of us, and there is equally no doubt that we have traveled far.
Some might question my personal conviction regarding my own faith. "How can you say these others have any validity? You must not be a true Christian." To them I say this, have you truly wrestled with your convictions? Have you battled your demons of doubt and come out triumphant? When you have done this, then you are truly a person of your faith. A person born into a faith who has never questioned their faith completely and fully, cannot question a person who went out into their desert for 40 days and came out carried by angels. If you have not questioned, you cannot claim. If you cannot claim, you are not. You may tend towards a faith, but you are not ready to live the faith. You are not really ready to strive to become a better person. You are not ready to seek a deep and thoughtful relationship with the divine.
God is too large for any one person to know completely. To assume we know God's entire will would be foolhardy and presumptive. To assume that my way is the only way is foolish and presumptive. To say that I have the spiritual patent on truth is preposterous.
I do believe in my heart of hearts that Jesus' teachings and YHWH's Kingdom are the best and most direct path to God and spiritual truth. I will not deny it. However, I cannot say that Christianity is the best way for Indians, Chinese, and Egyptians. Cultural context is important. Geographical history is important. Family is important. Politics (sorry it's true) are important. Socio-economics are important. All these factors contribute to a situation where one faith may be a better (or direct) path to the Divine.
In the end, it is not which path we took, but it is the fact that we took a path at all that matters.
In Zen and The Art of Making a Living the author talks about how each person must interact with 4 Jungian archetypes (or primary myths). One of them, and the most important beginning, is the Hero. NOTE: It turns out "hero" and "heretical" are etymologically related. Huh. It makes me feel a little better about my fierce independence.
The Hero is the one who journeys. He (or she) strives after the idea, the goal, the dream. It may be a "fool's errand" and the Hero is ridiculed because often the thing worth striving for is the thing that seems most unlikely to the socially conventional. However, with persistence (especially through another archetype, the Warrior) it can be realized. Even through failure the Hero is successful because they journeyed. Heroes lay themselves out bare and naked and vulnerable. The journey can be a lonely one, especially at those times of fierce ridicule. Still...
I've said before and I'll say it again. You may not be happy doing your calling. BUT once you've heard your call, you can't be happy doing anything else.
This is a prayerful poem I wrote today:
Heart of hearts,
Find me like a heat-seeking missile
Destroying the false
Pretense
That which would lead me astray.
Leave only that of the purest call
Lonely
Hauntingly
Leading me
Embracingly
I become.
Just have to say...
WOOOHOOO!!! OBAMA NATION!!! OBAMA LAND!!! TRUTH AND FREEDOM AND SOUND JUDGEMENT AND CLEAN CAMPAIGNS WIN!!!
Perhaps this new administration will utilize the international support for good... I pray to God even from within a state where the same old unconstitutional local Phoenician politicians preside...
Perhaps this new administration will utilize the international support for good... I pray to God even from within a state where the same old unconstitutional local Phoenician politicians preside...
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Strangers in a Small Group
We're in a quandary. We're strangers in a strange land. And we feel it.
It hit home in the past few days. We're surrounded by a number of imports from California, so you'd think we might feel relatively comfortable despite the natural discomfort related to moving to a new place. However, this is not Santa Barbara. The bumper stickers for Obama are few and far between (as are, it should noted, McCain stickers). Fortunately there is a great deal of cultural mixing here, as there should be in a large city. However it is still a large city and therefore Phoenix has nooks, crannies, and neighborhoods.
While people are sweet and helpful, we feel like we have to hide who we are. In some ways it is worse for me, in others it is worse for Christian. Over the course of my life I have often felt like the heretic in the room. This means that I am relatively used to being careful with my words and how many toes I step on. At other points though, it becomes unbearable.
For example, the other night we went to small group. While we did share quite a bit, there were some issues that arose that made us uncomfortable. For someone like me who was raised in a community where all were welcome, I was taught to be sensitive with my words. It's very easy to be careless with one's words and thereby alienate half the room by using a single slur or poorly chosen phrase. When a person is surrounded by people who seem to be like them, it becomes easy to make fun or be careless, as there is a perceived level of comfort. The reality is, differences are much deeper than skin, sex, or the football team you support. Fundamentally, as people of faith we must choose words that help and do not hurt. We must use words that open doors rather than pigeonhole and stereotype. I should say that we all forget, we all make mistakes, and in a good community (as evidenced in small group) we reconcile and move past things. The mistake and reconciliation actually made Christian feel more comfortable than previously (this may be because he is more openhanded with his language than I am).
Another issue, which may be the difference of denomination (I can't be entirely sure) is the assumption that everyone in the room has more than a few basic beliefs in common. Some people find the belief that Mary was a "virgin" to be fundamental and incontrovertible. I would not. I'm not sure Mary was a "virgin", in fact, I'm pretty sure there was a simple change of a Greek word by a person after some time to "virgin" from "maiden." "Maiden" of course opens up a whole can of worms that most people don't want to touch with a 50 foot pole. After all, it's rather difficult to stomach that the person our faith surrounds could have been the illegitimate child of a rapist, or Joseph, or some other random Hebrew boy (or Roman for that matter - Mary was from a poor family and thus vulnerable). The only things we can be absolutely certain about are these: Mary was Jesus' mother. Jesus changed the course of history. God made wonderful things happen because of him, and the faith of millions rests on this man.
Another thing was the phrase "the holy spirit comforts". God is not comfortable. I do not think faith or religion or even your relationship with God can be comfortable. It is necessarily problematic, frightening, frustrating, and often discouraging. Sometimes on the other hand, it can be joyful to the point of pain, overwhelming, touching, and wonderous. A friend of mine (actually several) have told me often I appear as a person taking the drug Ectasy. Of course, I've never taken that drug (nor have I ever had the remotest curiousity about it) but I do find wonder in the smallest things in a day. A butterfly on an industrial street can make me stop and marvel (with no doubt a ridiculous smile on my face) which often makes companions shoot me incredulous looks and inspires nervous laughter. Apparently they aren't able to see what I see.
I feel like an alien. Christian feels homesick for his consistent and deep knowledge of people and places in Southern California. He also feels a bit like an alien, but more than anything, he feels like he is lying. He feels like he is lying about who he is, who we are, through omission. I told him I would answer any question a person posed (which I did in small group despite the obvious discomfort this caused me) I just don't want to rock the boat unnecessarily. Though I may have done so just now.
Our confusing experience caused us to consider other questions. What is the purpose of a small group? Why do we have it? Is it to learn? Is it to share our feelings and get to know one another? Who decides what we discuss? Who should decide and why? Should it be a free for all?
At one small group at my old church in New York the adults (I know this through remote reconisence missions rather than direct experience as I was rather young) met around a single question every two weeks. The question was "How have you experienced God in the past two weeks (it may have been every week...I can't remember exactly)?" I think this might have been around the time I started learning to enjoy and marvel at a single butterfly. I know that was when my dad began doing the same.
Small groups are a good thing. They force us to interact in ways we would not do in church, or possibly anywhere else. They're somewhere between Bible study, Sunday School, club meetings, and dinner parties (think 0,0 on an XY graph). They force things to come out that may have never come out otherwise. I feel after just one session, I might not only rock the boat if I'm not careful, I may even slingshot everyone out into shark infested waters. With any luck, we may be swallowed by a whale.
It hit home in the past few days. We're surrounded by a number of imports from California, so you'd think we might feel relatively comfortable despite the natural discomfort related to moving to a new place. However, this is not Santa Barbara. The bumper stickers for Obama are few and far between (as are, it should noted, McCain stickers). Fortunately there is a great deal of cultural mixing here, as there should be in a large city. However it is still a large city and therefore Phoenix has nooks, crannies, and neighborhoods.
While people are sweet and helpful, we feel like we have to hide who we are. In some ways it is worse for me, in others it is worse for Christian. Over the course of my life I have often felt like the heretic in the room. This means that I am relatively used to being careful with my words and how many toes I step on. At other points though, it becomes unbearable.
For example, the other night we went to small group. While we did share quite a bit, there were some issues that arose that made us uncomfortable. For someone like me who was raised in a community where all were welcome, I was taught to be sensitive with my words. It's very easy to be careless with one's words and thereby alienate half the room by using a single slur or poorly chosen phrase. When a person is surrounded by people who seem to be like them, it becomes easy to make fun or be careless, as there is a perceived level of comfort. The reality is, differences are much deeper than skin, sex, or the football team you support. Fundamentally, as people of faith we must choose words that help and do not hurt. We must use words that open doors rather than pigeonhole and stereotype. I should say that we all forget, we all make mistakes, and in a good community (as evidenced in small group) we reconcile and move past things. The mistake and reconciliation actually made Christian feel more comfortable than previously (this may be because he is more openhanded with his language than I am).
Another issue, which may be the difference of denomination (I can't be entirely sure) is the assumption that everyone in the room has more than a few basic beliefs in common. Some people find the belief that Mary was a "virgin" to be fundamental and incontrovertible. I would not. I'm not sure Mary was a "virgin", in fact, I'm pretty sure there was a simple change of a Greek word by a person after some time to "virgin" from "maiden." "Maiden" of course opens up a whole can of worms that most people don't want to touch with a 50 foot pole. After all, it's rather difficult to stomach that the person our faith surrounds could have been the illegitimate child of a rapist, or Joseph, or some other random Hebrew boy (or Roman for that matter - Mary was from a poor family and thus vulnerable). The only things we can be absolutely certain about are these: Mary was Jesus' mother. Jesus changed the course of history. God made wonderful things happen because of him, and the faith of millions rests on this man.
Another thing was the phrase "the holy spirit comforts". God is not comfortable. I do not think faith or religion or even your relationship with God can be comfortable. It is necessarily problematic, frightening, frustrating, and often discouraging. Sometimes on the other hand, it can be joyful to the point of pain, overwhelming, touching, and wonderous. A friend of mine (actually several) have told me often I appear as a person taking the drug Ectasy. Of course, I've never taken that drug (nor have I ever had the remotest curiousity about it) but I do find wonder in the smallest things in a day. A butterfly on an industrial street can make me stop and marvel (with no doubt a ridiculous smile on my face) which often makes companions shoot me incredulous looks and inspires nervous laughter. Apparently they aren't able to see what I see.
I feel like an alien. Christian feels homesick for his consistent and deep knowledge of people and places in Southern California. He also feels a bit like an alien, but more than anything, he feels like he is lying. He feels like he is lying about who he is, who we are, through omission. I told him I would answer any question a person posed (which I did in small group despite the obvious discomfort this caused me) I just don't want to rock the boat unnecessarily. Though I may have done so just now.
Our confusing experience caused us to consider other questions. What is the purpose of a small group? Why do we have it? Is it to learn? Is it to share our feelings and get to know one another? Who decides what we discuss? Who should decide and why? Should it be a free for all?
At one small group at my old church in New York the adults (I know this through remote reconisence missions rather than direct experience as I was rather young) met around a single question every two weeks. The question was "How have you experienced God in the past two weeks (it may have been every week...I can't remember exactly)?" I think this might have been around the time I started learning to enjoy and marvel at a single butterfly. I know that was when my dad began doing the same.
Small groups are a good thing. They force us to interact in ways we would not do in church, or possibly anywhere else. They're somewhere between Bible study, Sunday School, club meetings, and dinner parties (think 0,0 on an XY graph). They force things to come out that may have never come out otherwise. I feel after just one session, I might not only rock the boat if I'm not careful, I may even slingshot everyone out into shark infested waters. With any luck, we may be swallowed by a whale.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
A Hobbity Hoy or something else...
Sometime during my first week at work it hit me. This is obviously an in between time. There are all kinds of obligations and requirements I need to meet, so it makes sense that I'd have a job that would allow me to meet these. I like the job (well, the training for the job) and I like the people who work there. They're nice, even if many seem to have opposite political and theological positions.
The more that came out about me to the groups, the more clear it became that this is a resting point for me. A stop on my journey meant to be relatively short lived before making the next jump to whatever I'm meant to do. I really am working a job just so Christian can get through school. Once he has his paper (and possibly a BA from my employer, or at least a few credits) all bets are off. Although, this would likely coincide with a great move anyway. Christian is hinting he wants to move over seas, this appeals to me as I find I generally enjoy being in new places surrounded by new things and conquering new problems. Once things settle down and break into a routine all too similar to a rut, I break and run. It's over. Everything is done.
I took a personality test (or I should say a couple) because a friend's blog sporting his results inspired me. It became clear as I reviewed results that I'm on the relatively right path (they suggest career paths and mine were largely: pastor, public speaker, writer, editor, musician, theologian etc...). So my current incarnation as an Academic Advisor is certainly a spring board and a jumping off point. My "hobbity hoy" or something similar. A "hobbity hoy" according to my great grandmother and my father is "somewhere betwixt a man and a boy." Obviously I'm not talking about a male person but my career, my purpose or path. Apparently it's male. But seeing as I'm not particularly interested in learning how to make rose bushes out of fondant, it might be the correct gender application.
Sigh.
Another thing which is "betwixt" is Christian's job situation. Our finances are still shaky (a recurring theme for many Americans, and indeed people all over the world). I'm not sure when my check will come through (hopefully the end of this week) and our reserves are nearly dry thanks to our car tires being replaced. The pressure to take overtime right now is high, despite the anxiety created by a semester start this week. Needless to say Christian feels guilty even buying milk.
Our church and our new friends are a small source of comfort. Game nights at friends' houses are sooo good after pizza and milk! Our praise/worship band is totally taking off (some how we recruited Christian to playing djembe, and inspired someone to play keys, though that person may change from week to week. Next Sunday we'll also have a bassist!). Hopefully we'll be able to attend a small group session on Thursdays at a bandmate's house.
Things are shaky, but at least they're standing up. We may be wobbly but we're not lying down. It's a small comfort, and also source of anxiety...as if at any time everything could crash down around us. May God provide buttresses all along our path...
The more that came out about me to the groups, the more clear it became that this is a resting point for me. A stop on my journey meant to be relatively short lived before making the next jump to whatever I'm meant to do. I really am working a job just so Christian can get through school. Once he has his paper (and possibly a BA from my employer, or at least a few credits) all bets are off. Although, this would likely coincide with a great move anyway. Christian is hinting he wants to move over seas, this appeals to me as I find I generally enjoy being in new places surrounded by new things and conquering new problems. Once things settle down and break into a routine all too similar to a rut, I break and run. It's over. Everything is done.
I took a personality test (or I should say a couple) because a friend's blog sporting his results inspired me. It became clear as I reviewed results that I'm on the relatively right path (they suggest career paths and mine were largely: pastor, public speaker, writer, editor, musician, theologian etc...). So my current incarnation as an Academic Advisor is certainly a spring board and a jumping off point. My "hobbity hoy" or something similar. A "hobbity hoy" according to my great grandmother and my father is "somewhere betwixt a man and a boy." Obviously I'm not talking about a male person but my career, my purpose or path. Apparently it's male. But seeing as I'm not particularly interested in learning how to make rose bushes out of fondant, it might be the correct gender application.
Sigh.
Another thing which is "betwixt" is Christian's job situation. Our finances are still shaky (a recurring theme for many Americans, and indeed people all over the world). I'm not sure when my check will come through (hopefully the end of this week) and our reserves are nearly dry thanks to our car tires being replaced. The pressure to take overtime right now is high, despite the anxiety created by a semester start this week. Needless to say Christian feels guilty even buying milk.
Our church and our new friends are a small source of comfort. Game nights at friends' houses are sooo good after pizza and milk! Our praise/worship band is totally taking off (some how we recruited Christian to playing djembe, and inspired someone to play keys, though that person may change from week to week. Next Sunday we'll also have a bassist!). Hopefully we'll be able to attend a small group session on Thursdays at a bandmate's house.
Things are shaky, but at least they're standing up. We may be wobbly but we're not lying down. It's a small comfort, and also source of anxiety...as if at any time everything could crash down around us. May God provide buttresses all along our path...
Monday, October 20, 2008
HURRAY!
I started at my new job today and I have to say I feel really good. It was nice to have seat time in the manual car (even though the ride wasn't PERFECT to and from work - I may have startled a few people with my accidental antics). It was nice to have introductions to the job which confirmed that yes I can do it and yes it does look like a piece of cake (for me). It was also nice to have introductions to people at the job who seem like we could be friends (always a good sign). And having ample opportunities for advancement doesn't hurt...
Your prayers and positive thoughts have definitely helped! It's so good to know that people are out there wishing us well... and I hope I can return the favor (if not specifically I'll at least send out positive thoughts into the world and general prayers for all those who have been rooting for us).
Now there are just a few more things (like the apartment getting straightened out and Christian getting a job not to mention my acceptance to Fuller... though what should be will be...).
I started A.J. Jacobs' book and have to say even though I've just begun the introduction it already makes me laugh and then immediately switches to an eloquent strand of words the next paragraph. Lovely. I'll keep you abreast as I continue...
Peace and Blessings,
A
Your prayers and positive thoughts have definitely helped! It's so good to know that people are out there wishing us well... and I hope I can return the favor (if not specifically I'll at least send out positive thoughts into the world and general prayers for all those who have been rooting for us).
Now there are just a few more things (like the apartment getting straightened out and Christian getting a job not to mention my acceptance to Fuller... though what should be will be...).
I started A.J. Jacobs' book and have to say even though I've just begun the introduction it already makes me laugh and then immediately switches to an eloquent strand of words the next paragraph. Lovely. I'll keep you abreast as I continue...
Peace and Blessings,
A
The Christian Prerogative
As a child growing up with two ordained ministers as parents, I was exposed to many discussions surrounding the Church. Faith was regularly discussed during dinner. There are many things I gleaned from my parents’ conversations some of which I didn’t come to understand until I was much older. Some things however, have always been clear to me. From the earliest I can remember, I was taught that as Christians we have a few jobs. One of them is to be a steward of the world and everything in it. Another is living your faith. A third, which nicely rounds out this group, is that faith without works is dead. So we’re supposed to take care of the world by living our faith and we live our faith by acting in ways that illustrate the teachings of Jesus. Unfortunately, very few Christians seem to do that. Quite a few people seem to have missed the boat entirely.
Let us examine the central point of Christian belief: Jesus is the Son of God and the path of salvation is through him. There are some who say in order to be a Christian all you need to do is to accept Jesus into your heart, and the rest will follow. This kind of thinking leads to inaction by default. If all you need to do is to accept Jesus as your “Lord and Savior” then you don’t need to change any of your actions. In other words, you say you have accepted Jesus and are a Christian, yet you continue to behave the same way you did BEFORE you became a Christian.
Some groups argue that your actions on Earth have NO bearing whatsoever in Heaven. It is only through God’s grace that you are allowed into Heaven. This again leads to inaction. There is simply no incentive or motivation to realize faith through actions with this belief.
Well perhaps if you never knew Christ and you committed atrocities all your life until your dying day and then suddenly saw the light, God might forgive you. I don’t know. It’s clear that an element of grace is present when we consider the parable of the Prodigal Son or the Workers in the Vineyard. Certainly you’re allowed a few mess ups if you claim Christianity. Jesus and God seem to be rather forgiving when we examine the Gospels. However if you claim to be a Christian and yet willfully go against the Word, are you really a Christian? In my estimation, if you’re not at the very least trying to follow Jesus’ instructions, you do not have the right to claim Christianity (Fortunately I’m not the one waiting at the Gate.).
Christmas Eve and Easter service attendance is not enough to save you. We aren’t saved through a proclamation. We aren’t saved through ritual sacraments, services, or reading the Bible. Salvation does not come through prayer. There is only one path to salvation and that is living like Jesus as best as you can. It means loving people, or rather having compassion for your fellow humans and acting out that compassion daily in specific ways. Living like Jesus requires thinking about everything you do and considering how your actions impact those around you. It means conserving energy and resources. It means spending time on people rather than spending money on things. It means an attitude of gratitude. It means voting for politicians and policies that will facilitate social justice rather than voting for a politician who tows the party line. It means speaking truth to power. So when a corporation does something that is detrimental to the community or to people anywhere you stop supporting them. Instead you support a company that is for people and for community. Following Jesus means acting on behalf of the poor, feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, and imprisoned. So when the truck comes around your neighborhood asking for donations right before Christmas, by golly you donate. You volunteer to stock shelves at the food pantry. There is no piece of scripture that is clearer about how Jesus would act than the Sermon on the Mount and the Beatitudes. The groups of people listed are of utmost importance and should therefore be at the center of our actions in this world. It is through our actions that we are saved. It is not enough to profess faith. It is not enough to stand idly by saying “others are more qualified” or to go to small groups or to join the church band.
It is our obligation as Christians to claim our faith and to save the world, one person at a time – one life at a time. This does not mean altar calls, but rather means life changes. You are literally reborn when you become a Christian because you choose a completely new life. You commit yourself to a life like Jesus’ and renounce your past bad habits. When everything becomes sacred, and there is no separation between the divine and the earthly, and every action is an act of faith and of worship, then we are truly saved.
It is an ongoing process, and the most difficult task set before us. It is tempting to fall into step with popular culture and forget our responsibilities. It is tempting to walk away and ignore Jesus’ words, the yearning of our spirits, the call of God, and the choice we made. This is why the Church exists. It is a place where those trying to follow Jesus’ path are able to nurture and support one another in their journey. It is a faith bound in community and communal action, so it makes sense that we come together weekly to check up on each other, at the very least, if not see each other several times a week (or even daily).
Don’t lose hope. Though the Church is sickly, it is remains a testament to Faith’s endurance. We remain. We are here to help each other, following the Way, the Path to Salvation. Our less than perfect attempts get us there nonetheless as we have only ever sought the journey.
Thank GOD we are allowed to walk with HIM.
Let us examine the central point of Christian belief: Jesus is the Son of God and the path of salvation is through him. There are some who say in order to be a Christian all you need to do is to accept Jesus into your heart, and the rest will follow. This kind of thinking leads to inaction by default. If all you need to do is to accept Jesus as your “Lord and Savior” then you don’t need to change any of your actions. In other words, you say you have accepted Jesus and are a Christian, yet you continue to behave the same way you did BEFORE you became a Christian.
Some groups argue that your actions on Earth have NO bearing whatsoever in Heaven. It is only through God’s grace that you are allowed into Heaven. This again leads to inaction. There is simply no incentive or motivation to realize faith through actions with this belief.
Well perhaps if you never knew Christ and you committed atrocities all your life until your dying day and then suddenly saw the light, God might forgive you. I don’t know. It’s clear that an element of grace is present when we consider the parable of the Prodigal Son or the Workers in the Vineyard. Certainly you’re allowed a few mess ups if you claim Christianity. Jesus and God seem to be rather forgiving when we examine the Gospels. However if you claim to be a Christian and yet willfully go against the Word, are you really a Christian? In my estimation, if you’re not at the very least trying to follow Jesus’ instructions, you do not have the right to claim Christianity (Fortunately I’m not the one waiting at the Gate.).
Christmas Eve and Easter service attendance is not enough to save you. We aren’t saved through a proclamation. We aren’t saved through ritual sacraments, services, or reading the Bible. Salvation does not come through prayer. There is only one path to salvation and that is living like Jesus as best as you can. It means loving people, or rather having compassion for your fellow humans and acting out that compassion daily in specific ways. Living like Jesus requires thinking about everything you do and considering how your actions impact those around you. It means conserving energy and resources. It means spending time on people rather than spending money on things. It means an attitude of gratitude. It means voting for politicians and policies that will facilitate social justice rather than voting for a politician who tows the party line. It means speaking truth to power. So when a corporation does something that is detrimental to the community or to people anywhere you stop supporting them. Instead you support a company that is for people and for community. Following Jesus means acting on behalf of the poor, feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, and imprisoned. So when the truck comes around your neighborhood asking for donations right before Christmas, by golly you donate. You volunteer to stock shelves at the food pantry. There is no piece of scripture that is clearer about how Jesus would act than the Sermon on the Mount and the Beatitudes. The groups of people listed are of utmost importance and should therefore be at the center of our actions in this world. It is through our actions that we are saved. It is not enough to profess faith. It is not enough to stand idly by saying “others are more qualified” or to go to small groups or to join the church band.
It is our obligation as Christians to claim our faith and to save the world, one person at a time – one life at a time. This does not mean altar calls, but rather means life changes. You are literally reborn when you become a Christian because you choose a completely new life. You commit yourself to a life like Jesus’ and renounce your past bad habits. When everything becomes sacred, and there is no separation between the divine and the earthly, and every action is an act of faith and of worship, then we are truly saved.
It is an ongoing process, and the most difficult task set before us. It is tempting to fall into step with popular culture and forget our responsibilities. It is tempting to walk away and ignore Jesus’ words, the yearning of our spirits, the call of God, and the choice we made. This is why the Church exists. It is a place where those trying to follow Jesus’ path are able to nurture and support one another in their journey. It is a faith bound in community and communal action, so it makes sense that we come together weekly to check up on each other, at the very least, if not see each other several times a week (or even daily).
Don’t lose hope. Though the Church is sickly, it is remains a testament to Faith’s endurance. We remain. We are here to help each other, following the Way, the Path to Salvation. Our less than perfect attempts get us there nonetheless as we have only ever sought the journey.
Thank GOD we are allowed to walk with HIM.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Inundated: Issues & Thoughts
- First and foremost, we got a refrigerator. WOOT WOOT!! So we finally have milk and eggs among other exciting things (like fresh produce) which has definitely added excitement and variety to our diet.
- This past week we had an onslaught (comparatively speaking) in our social calendar. So I met a bassist for possible music projects, made a friend through a friend and actually went out on Saturday night. Then of course we had our typical Sunday thing (with church involving bloody metaphors... guest speakers leave much to be desired, but sometimes can't be helped) involving church and lunch afterward.
- I'm practicing guitar like I said I would, and somehow I dragged Christian into music too, because the church had a djembe no one played and so now he is practicing drumming. We have a church band practice scheduled Wednesday early evening. WOOT WOOT! The excitement just never ends...
- I am applying to Fuller. Oy. I hate application processes, and of course it causes you to unearth loose ends, such as the fact that UCSB charged me tuition for this quarter even though I graduated last June. That means I couldn't order a transcript... needless to say I cleared that up, but it still doesn't help the fact that my diploma is being sent to my parents' old address (which who knows if it will be forwarded or what!).
- I still don't have my absentee ballot. Christian got his. Thankfully he was able to vote. Hopefully mine will go to one of the possible addresses and then get forwarded on to me in Phoenix. I know CA will go to my preferred candidate, the issue is more that I just wanted to vote. It's an exciting year. It's an important election. I want to be a part of it, and who wouldn't? It bothers me that so many people aren't allowed to vote... like felons. Why shouldn't they be allowed to vote? The possibility of not being able to this round is upsetting to me, and it makes me wonder why they should receive second-class citizenship. Jesus gave people who had made mistakes the time of day, shouldn't we?
- Christian applied for jobs and I had an interview this weekend. I have another one this coming weekend. Cross your fingers that something wonderful will happen.
- I'm freaking out about my instruments. It's so dry here the wood/finishes are under pressure. Humidifiers? A bowl of water? What should I do to remedy this situation? I'm going to the guitar shop today to buy something for inside my guitar case, but the harp is just out...
- Prayers and well wishes are still encouraged and well received. So far they seem to have made a HUGE difference (the frig is a case in point).
- I'm reading Genome: The Autobiography of a Species in 23 Chapters by Matt Ridley. It's an interesting read with all kinds of points of thought and theories about genetics, humanity, science, history etc that I had not previously considered. After that it's A Year of Living Biblically with some Harry Potter mindlessness in between.
- The weather has gotten cool enough that a sheet is useful in sleeping. Finally!
Monday, October 06, 2008
Sunday, October 05, 2008
The Sensible Social Movement
Protesters anger me. I say this, while feeling simultaneously that some protest is necessary. This is a generalization, but it's true.
I don't like random people on the street talking to me. In fact, I'd rather they not come up and talk to me at all. If you're going to talk to me about cruelty to animals, I think you should consider talking about cruelty to humans (the ones down the block, in this city, country, and world).
Don't hand me any little pieces of paper. I will throw them away. The environmentalist in you SHOULD KNOW THAT.
Social movements these days are often spearheaded by a single major organization (or sometimes a group of organizations), most of which are non-profits. I'm not saying I'm anti-non-profit. But these guys are mostly to blame. Sorry people, but once you let the cat out of the bag, it's over. Once you start, that is, you are responsible for the actions of your adherents. Their actions reflect back on you.
Some of the weird campaigns are begun in the sponsoring organization (say, PETA for example) but many come out of fringe groups of individuals loosely associated (if at all) with the central sponsoring entity. What does this mean? It means you've got a bunch of wackos running around making your cause look like it's for nutters. And you're letting them do that to you.
Control.
Mitigate.
This is the NAME of the GAME.
There are strategies and tactics organizations can use to insure there is a separation between individuals closely associated with you, and those who are the nut jobs. This involves providing clear training sanctioned at a head quarters, focus protest groups, organizers trained at the head quarters, among other things which are time-proven tried and true avenues to effecting change.
These groups who "say" they want changes to occur but aren't employing these time-tested methods don't actually want change. They want the status quo. They want their organization to continue as it's been, and frankly they're wasting your money, time, and energy. If you want things to change, then either join the board of that non-profit and force them to change, or come up with a more effective team (and I will help you do it, because I revamp, brainstorm, and start up well).
Be sensible. Be smart. And if you want to keep on keeping on, do NOT talk to me on the street. I may punch you. Or ask for your name and address.... no telling what I'll send you in the mail. :-D
I don't like random people on the street talking to me. In fact, I'd rather they not come up and talk to me at all. If you're going to talk to me about cruelty to animals, I think you should consider talking about cruelty to humans (the ones down the block, in this city, country, and world).
Don't hand me any little pieces of paper. I will throw them away. The environmentalist in you SHOULD KNOW THAT.
Social movements these days are often spearheaded by a single major organization (or sometimes a group of organizations), most of which are non-profits. I'm not saying I'm anti-non-profit. But these guys are mostly to blame. Sorry people, but once you let the cat out of the bag, it's over. Once you start, that is, you are responsible for the actions of your adherents. Their actions reflect back on you.
Some of the weird campaigns are begun in the sponsoring organization (say, PETA for example) but many come out of fringe groups of individuals loosely associated (if at all) with the central sponsoring entity. What does this mean? It means you've got a bunch of wackos running around making your cause look like it's for nutters. And you're letting them do that to you.
Control.
Mitigate.
This is the NAME of the GAME.
There are strategies and tactics organizations can use to insure there is a separation between individuals closely associated with you, and those who are the nut jobs. This involves providing clear training sanctioned at a head quarters, focus protest groups, organizers trained at the head quarters, among other things which are time-proven tried and true avenues to effecting change.
These groups who "say" they want changes to occur but aren't employing these time-tested methods don't actually want change. They want the status quo. They want their organization to continue as it's been, and frankly they're wasting your money, time, and energy. If you want things to change, then either join the board of that non-profit and force them to change, or come up with a more effective team (and I will help you do it, because I revamp, brainstorm, and start up well).
Be sensible. Be smart. And if you want to keep on keeping on, do NOT talk to me on the street. I may punch you. Or ask for your name and address.... no telling what I'll send you in the mail. :-D
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Art/Design: Multi-purpose Table
We looked everywhere for a table that would fit in our apartment and serve all our needs (somewhere taller than a coffee table, but smaller than a typical kitchen table). We finally decided to make our own table which is finally finished and in our living/dining area. These are the following stages (each of which could have worked on their own, but only the last really works with our interior).
Once we assembled all our materials, Christian put together the table, with a little sanding help from me. Next came painting, which I chose to do in three layers.
This is the first layer (mostly complete except for the top corner). I used acrylics (because I didn't feel like dealing with disposal issues associated with oils). Several different reds (alizarin, cadmium, and brick), blues (medium, ultramarine, deep), and a burnt sienna.I wanted to get a playful undercoat that picked up on the reds in our house and tied the cooler subsequent coats to this theme of red (and now green as you can see in later layers).
This is the second layer, which is loosely based on Indian floral motifs (often found on semis) depicting versions of the four seasons (Counter clockwise from upper
left-hand corner Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter). Between the central flower/Sun and the seasons on the left is a cloud and rain, on the right, a fire/flower. Colors used were burnt sienna, yellow ocher, white, and cadmium deep yellow.Obviously this type of design can only work in certain decor situations (a hippy-funky-60s-retro type, an ethnic themed vibrant colored indoor situation, a bright and lush ethnic garden, or a bohemian drug induced eco house). Needless to say, this wouldn't really fly in our place. So what to do?!
We bought a can of satin finish leaf green and I sprayed randomly across the top, and thoroughly coated the legs. Then I took forest green, ultramarine
blue, cadmium medium yellow, and a dash of white to mix a variety of greens to accent and pattern the spray. I tried to incorporate some of the earlier layers into the accented patterns.Christian then coated the whole table with with 3 coats of clear poly to insure the condensation from our drinks wouldn't screw up the paint (among other things) and VIOLA!!!! We have a unique and beautiful table fit for our living space.
You'll notice the earlier layers really allow for the top pattern to come together (and add some nice surprises for the viewer upon closer examination).
Note: If you know anyone who is interested in decorative arts, or would like to commission a piece, I am for hire. I can design an unfinished piece of assembled furniture or a finished piece of furniture, in addition to wall murals etc. Just let me come and see the room where it will be located, and give me any specifics (such as palette or content, surreal through abstract) and we'll discuss price.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Under and Over: A Prayer Request
This past week Christian got over his flu, and transferred it to me. Needless to say, we've been taking turns being holed up in our less than ideal apartment stewing in our own diseased filth. Yummy.
It put a little bit of a wrench in our job hunting, in addition to other external factors. I applied to a few colleges in a variety of positions and two have gotten back to me. One of them expressed interest, but I was unable to get a hold of them to schedule an interview (after they requested one). The other wanted to pursue me but then the next day sent me another email saying, "Oops. We found someone for the job. We'll keep your resume on file because the law requires us to." Nice.
Christian hasn't been having much luck either. He got stuck on working security for whatever reason, however he has a goatee. Apparently goatees don't provide the right image for most security sites - they require you to shave. Neither Christian or I like him without a beard. Chatting today, we thought it might be better for him to do computer repair work. Even if he was working at a lower hourly rate (80 is typical, 40 is what he normally charges) he'd be doing better, working less time, than he would at a security job. We'll see if I can't convince him to post something around the 'hood. There's also an internet cafe opening less than 5 minutes drive from our house. That would also be an easy thing for him.
The main problem is that AZ has been so hard hit with this financial crisis. Lots of people have lost jobs, or aren't making enough money to make ends meet so they're taking up another job, or they're being pushed jobless into the market. This flood of highly qualified people with years of experience isn't exactly good for people like Christian and me.
It's really taken a toll on our overall morale. I may have started finding homes for different items in our apartment, but frankly we're worried whether or not we'll be able to stay here. Christian is worried about even being able to attend school, the whole reason for us moving out here.
I wrote to Cambridge Drive (a wonderful group of people, and if you're in the SB area you should definitely check them out) telling them our woes. In a day's time I had gotten responses telling me stories of their early married years and assuring us they'd pray for us. Which is actually why I'm writing this here, I'd like you to pray for us too. I believe in the power of prayer. I know it works. I know positive thinking works, but if you increase it exponentially, it's power increases by the same fold. A small measure of security (no pun intended) would probably be all we needed to see us through this less than stellar time.
My plan is to call/email/harass employers I've sent materials to, as well as call all the temp agencies in town. I figure, even if it's just temporary, it will still be more income then we have now. Maybe it will give me a chance to work on my book (grin).
Blessings to you and yours.
May God's peace wash over you, and God's love carry you in your times of trial.
May you find the support you need exactly when you need it.
May any suffering or trial you experience be an avenue to strengthen and grow your spirit.
Amen.
It put a little bit of a wrench in our job hunting, in addition to other external factors. I applied to a few colleges in a variety of positions and two have gotten back to me. One of them expressed interest, but I was unable to get a hold of them to schedule an interview (after they requested one). The other wanted to pursue me but then the next day sent me another email saying, "Oops. We found someone for the job. We'll keep your resume on file because the law requires us to." Nice.
Christian hasn't been having much luck either. He got stuck on working security for whatever reason, however he has a goatee. Apparently goatees don't provide the right image for most security sites - they require you to shave. Neither Christian or I like him without a beard. Chatting today, we thought it might be better for him to do computer repair work. Even if he was working at a lower hourly rate (80 is typical, 40 is what he normally charges) he'd be doing better, working less time, than he would at a security job. We'll see if I can't convince him to post something around the 'hood. There's also an internet cafe opening less than 5 minutes drive from our house. That would also be an easy thing for him.
The main problem is that AZ has been so hard hit with this financial crisis. Lots of people have lost jobs, or aren't making enough money to make ends meet so they're taking up another job, or they're being pushed jobless into the market. This flood of highly qualified people with years of experience isn't exactly good for people like Christian and me.
It's really taken a toll on our overall morale. I may have started finding homes for different items in our apartment, but frankly we're worried whether or not we'll be able to stay here. Christian is worried about even being able to attend school, the whole reason for us moving out here.
I wrote to Cambridge Drive (a wonderful group of people, and if you're in the SB area you should definitely check them out) telling them our woes. In a day's time I had gotten responses telling me stories of their early married years and assuring us they'd pray for us. Which is actually why I'm writing this here, I'd like you to pray for us too. I believe in the power of prayer. I know it works. I know positive thinking works, but if you increase it exponentially, it's power increases by the same fold. A small measure of security (no pun intended) would probably be all we needed to see us through this less than stellar time.
My plan is to call/email/harass employers I've sent materials to, as well as call all the temp agencies in town. I figure, even if it's just temporary, it will still be more income then we have now. Maybe it will give me a chance to work on my book (grin).
Blessings to you and yours.
May God's peace wash over you, and God's love carry you in your times of trial.
May you find the support you need exactly when you need it.
May any suffering or trial you experience be an avenue to strengthen and grow your spirit.
Amen.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
God Hit Me Over the Head With a Guitar.
It seems like this is all one big test. I was thinking about it this morning lying in bed with our little black fan moving the hot bedroom air out (hopefully providing some relief from 90 + temperatures). I don't know if you've seen that show, Joan of Arcadia, but I feel a bit like Joan. Basically I'm coasting from one set of instructions to another, however it seems to be revealed. Some people might think I'm crazy (Bill Mahr for one) but it's only because they don't understand.
You see, my spiritual journey started rather young. When my mother was in her third trimester pregnant with me, she was ordained. By the age of four I was standing on dining room chairs "preaching to my people." By 7 I felt like I could "hug" God, and I started having conversations with, or monologues to God. Sometimes I addressed Jesus. I think it was more depending on how I felt at the time. I was baptized when I was 9, on Palm Sunday. I would have been baptized at 7 if I could have, but my father didn't think I was ready.
During junior high and high school I tried very hard to distance myself from the church, which is what led me to Bard College, the overall spiritually darkest time of my short life. There was a generally hopelessness on campus. For those people who have high EQs, it is toxic. Some places retain the emotional content of things that occurred in that location. It was like this at Bard. You could feel all the lost and tortured people - one of the dorms had been an insane asylum, another had terrible suicide stories associated with it. The woods were associated with rapists and murderers (or so the stories went). But even before I heard the stories, it felt dark. It felt oppressive. There were times there where it felt like I sat on the fence between light and dark, moments of unimaginable peace and others of deep despair. Somehow I knew I had to leave. I knew I had to go back to church.
I went on a mission trip the summer after my sophomore year to Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and Panama. While I was there I had deja vu regularly and often times knew things before they happened. Some people may chalk this up to "hooby-dooby shit." The thing is, I'm not a new agie kind of person. I'm firmly grounded. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I swear to God about that. It was during that time I realized I was at a crossroads. Other people on the trip had visions about my choices, about what I should be doing. It became clearer and clearer that there was a major choice here. I could return to Bard or I could take a leave of absence and follow what I thought God was telling me I needed to do. I chose the latter.
I've always been asked whether or not I wanted to be a pastor. It's been the on-going question. When I started speaking, teaching, and leading workshops, more people began to ask that question. Over time it has become more and more persistent. In the past five years I've had more dreams, more deja vu, more directions. Like I said, I just follow where it seems I'm supposed to go (I even had a dream showing me that I should marry my husband).
Even Phoenix was a set of directions. I tried a couple of other paths that I thought should work, but it seemed they just weren't meant to be. You see, either everything falls into place for me and it is clear I should be doing something OR nothing does, and it's clear I shouldn't go in that direction. Moving to Phoenix mostly fell together. Now it just seems like a test. Either that, or I haven't been as true to my directions as I thought.
Fuller Seminary has an "outpost" here in Phoenix. When we were getting ready to move, I was finally resigning myself to the possibility of becoming a pastor. I wasn't sure what was available in Phoenix, but I thought I might be able to do some distance learning while Christian was doing his MMI thing. For some reason Fuller kept popping into my head. I looked at their website, and low and behold, they are here. Strange. Oh, and by the way, you can start during their Winter term (January 2009). I haven't finished the application because frankly I'm worried about being able to pay for that, rent (and basic necessities), as well as Christian's schooling.
I was worried about finding a church out here - so often church searching takes forever. Many times people never find a place that fits. But we were here a short time before the pastor of a church we really liked went and contacted US! If that's not divine intervention... I don't know what is.
How does this relate back to Joan? Well, in one of the episodes God asks her to take up guitar. I'm pretty much in that spot. I've always shied away from it because of my father's ridiculous skills. I never felt like I could quite measure up. That said, I have a beautiful little guitar made by a small furniture maker turned luthier. It sounds goregous (it's not a Lowden, but it's lovely). At lunch this past Sunday that same pastor asked me if I played any instruments. Meanwhile I've been posting on Craigslist that I was looking to join a band. The first serious offer I get loves my voice, and they really want some guitar. Seems it's time I finally learned to play.
We can't know how our actions will effect the lives around us. We just listen for God's voice everywhere and follow, trusting it is all done to bring about the Kingdom.
You see, my spiritual journey started rather young. When my mother was in her third trimester pregnant with me, she was ordained. By the age of four I was standing on dining room chairs "preaching to my people." By 7 I felt like I could "hug" God, and I started having conversations with, or monologues to God. Sometimes I addressed Jesus. I think it was more depending on how I felt at the time. I was baptized when I was 9, on Palm Sunday. I would have been baptized at 7 if I could have, but my father didn't think I was ready.
During junior high and high school I tried very hard to distance myself from the church, which is what led me to Bard College, the overall spiritually darkest time of my short life. There was a generally hopelessness on campus. For those people who have high EQs, it is toxic. Some places retain the emotional content of things that occurred in that location. It was like this at Bard. You could feel all the lost and tortured people - one of the dorms had been an insane asylum, another had terrible suicide stories associated with it. The woods were associated with rapists and murderers (or so the stories went). But even before I heard the stories, it felt dark. It felt oppressive. There were times there where it felt like I sat on the fence between light and dark, moments of unimaginable peace and others of deep despair. Somehow I knew I had to leave. I knew I had to go back to church.
I went on a mission trip the summer after my sophomore year to Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and Panama. While I was there I had deja vu regularly and often times knew things before they happened. Some people may chalk this up to "hooby-dooby shit." The thing is, I'm not a new agie kind of person. I'm firmly grounded. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I swear to God about that. It was during that time I realized I was at a crossroads. Other people on the trip had visions about my choices, about what I should be doing. It became clearer and clearer that there was a major choice here. I could return to Bard or I could take a leave of absence and follow what I thought God was telling me I needed to do. I chose the latter.
I've always been asked whether or not I wanted to be a pastor. It's been the on-going question. When I started speaking, teaching, and leading workshops, more people began to ask that question. Over time it has become more and more persistent. In the past five years I've had more dreams, more deja vu, more directions. Like I said, I just follow where it seems I'm supposed to go (I even had a dream showing me that I should marry my husband).
Even Phoenix was a set of directions. I tried a couple of other paths that I thought should work, but it seemed they just weren't meant to be. You see, either everything falls into place for me and it is clear I should be doing something OR nothing does, and it's clear I shouldn't go in that direction. Moving to Phoenix mostly fell together. Now it just seems like a test. Either that, or I haven't been as true to my directions as I thought.
Fuller Seminary has an "outpost" here in Phoenix. When we were getting ready to move, I was finally resigning myself to the possibility of becoming a pastor. I wasn't sure what was available in Phoenix, but I thought I might be able to do some distance learning while Christian was doing his MMI thing. For some reason Fuller kept popping into my head. I looked at their website, and low and behold, they are here. Strange. Oh, and by the way, you can start during their Winter term (January 2009). I haven't finished the application because frankly I'm worried about being able to pay for that, rent (and basic necessities), as well as Christian's schooling.
I was worried about finding a church out here - so often church searching takes forever. Many times people never find a place that fits. But we were here a short time before the pastor of a church we really liked went and contacted US! If that's not divine intervention... I don't know what is.
How does this relate back to Joan? Well, in one of the episodes God asks her to take up guitar. I'm pretty much in that spot. I've always shied away from it because of my father's ridiculous skills. I never felt like I could quite measure up. That said, I have a beautiful little guitar made by a small furniture maker turned luthier. It sounds goregous (it's not a Lowden, but it's lovely). At lunch this past Sunday that same pastor asked me if I played any instruments. Meanwhile I've been posting on Craigslist that I was looking to join a band. The first serious offer I get loves my voice, and they really want some guitar. Seems it's time I finally learned to play.
We can't know how our actions will effect the lives around us. We just listen for God's voice everywhere and follow, trusting it is all done to bring about the Kingdom.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Church Search 5: Cold Water Church
Earlier this week, after my Church Search 3 posting, I received an message on the Facebook from Chris, the pastor of a new church plant in Avondale. You see, I had joined an emerging church group on the Facebook simply in order to post to the wall that we were looking for a church and did anyone know of a group meeting in our part of Phoenix. It seems Chris had posted a similar message about a month earlier. Needless to say, when he saw my post, he must have researched me a bit because his message was very thoughtful:
"We are a small new church plant that has fairly traditional services in a school. By traditional, I mean we meet sunday mornings, we sing songs and someone, usually myself, preaches. My own roots are charismatic and non denominational but certainly there are folks from diverse backgrounds with in our group. I might label myself "post-charismatic" or even confess being a "recovering pharisee", meaing I know I haven't figured it out and I have some of the same frustrations you blogged about. Feel free to check out these websites, maybe listen to a sermon, and find out if we'd be worth checking out. We may be too far. I do want you to know none of our folks wear guns to church and we do not and will not hand out political propaganda. Hope you find a community where you can grow in faith, hope, and love."
After we read that, we both thought "Yeah, we should try this place." After all, we really have nothing to lose at this point. Well, Avondale is not so far by Phoenix standards (30 minutes from us) so we planned our Sunday morning out, set our alarm clocks and braced ourselves.
Cold Water doesn't have it's own building. They meet in a school. This was not a problem for us, though Christian was surprised. "You can have churches meet in schools? Isn't that against the separation of church and state?" I wasn't surprised as there is a very cool church in Santa Barbara that also meets in a school.
When we got there, there was a banner at the outside gate, and another showing us which part of the parking lot to use (the entrance to the multi-purpose room is in the back of the school, so it makes sense to park in the back). As soon as we entered the building there were kids of a variety of ages running around and playing. This caused us to smile.
In the middle of the room were several rows of folding chairs. At the front on the lefthand side there was a keyboard, several mics on stands, and a guitar in a stand. In the center was a cross-shaped podium with mic. On the right were tables with a lap-top, sound board, and a digital projector (this pointed towards a section of white wall).
Almost as soon as we walked in, we were greeted by Chris. A second or so later another church member came up to talk to us, and within a few minutes, everyone had said hello and asked us a few questions. Everyone was somewhere in their mid-twenties, at the max early thirties. Most of the members were new transplants from California, newly married, and/or had small children. Also a number of children from the neighborhood had come (they were probably between 8 and 12 years old). There was a table to the side with water, juice, fruit, and coffee cake. Church started late (which we were informed is normal) and began with singing a number of songs. They were mostly songs I knew, and it was clear the music was being led by the person who played a musical instrument (we're talking a small church plant that is still trying to figure out its groove. There's potential, and room for improvement). In between songs there were some prayers.
Then Chris got up and it felt as if he was speaking directly to us (though it may have been that he was just inspired by some of the thoughts from my blog, I'm not sure). The passage was from Numbers where Miriam and Aaron are criticizing Moses for taking a Cushite wife. He talked about how this was not a passage to highlight that God is going to punish us because he likes punishing us, or that we should be punished, but rather that suffering happens so we can move forward, not backward. Rather it serves a reminder. He was careful to mention that women are important and share leadership through out the Bible (I really think he must have read that other post) and ironically this is the one passage where Miriam has screwed up (but he noted, she did a number of other GOOD things through out the Exodus story). He also emphasized the entire encampment waits for her to get done with her time-out (7 days of quarantine) and they leave once she comes back.
He went on to say that criticism should happen in a time and a place where it is necessary and helpful. There are several questions we should ask ourselves when we are contemplating criticism. For example, is it hurtful or helpful? What would God have us do? Are you criticizing the person or the person's actions? (grin, Christian couldn't remember but suggests "Write things down" "Ask someone else if this is a good idea" "Flip a coin"). Mostly, the point was to have filters on what you say and how you say things, i.e. pragmatism.
When Chris was talking he had his security blanket (some papers with notes at least, if not a full manuscript on the podium) but mostly he walked around and talked very personably and realistically about the passage, tied it to Jesus' teachings, and to life in the 21st century.
After church we talked with members, helped them put away chairs etc, and were then invited to join their lunch group (Dad, sound familiar?). We went to Red Robin as there's really only chain restaurants in the area and at least one of our number was veggie (I think) and apparently there are veggie options at Red Robin (I could be inventing this because it was discussed in non-specific terms, but implied).
At lunch we talked about all kinds of things. Christian discovered a number of the guys at the church have LAN parties regularly (at least once a quarter). They had all kinds of "nerd" things to talk about. Meanwhile I chatted with the women about callings, jobs, kids etc. From the middle of our time together towards the end we talked about wine, food, and of course, a whole lot of church. It was pretty clear from all the conversation that everyone was accepting and interested in diversity of opinions, and that we were safely in an emerging kind of setting.
On the car ride home Christian and I talked about our impressions. Something came up that I hadn't really thought about previously, but is sort of a no-brainer. You need to feel like you have potential friends at a church. Why would you join a church where you wouldn't really fit in or wouldn't make connections? At Cold Water, we felt like we could be friends with everyone. It was a positive welcoming environment. There are definite kinks to work out, as would be expected with a new church plant, but there's an overwhelming amount of potential, and as Christian and I discussed on our car ride, we felt like we could bring our non-church friends to Cold Water (and they'd like it). Plus we're interested to see where it will go in a year's time. We'd both feel comfortable returning, and we both feel like we could contribute to the overall growth and health of the church community.
So what does Cold Water get on our wine spectrum? It's not the wedding at Cana, but it's probably an 8 right now, and with a little nurturing and caring, it could very well be a Beckman Purisima in a few years.
Church Search 4: Paradise Valley Community Church
This is basically a non-entry. It was the second attempt to attend this church, and again was a failure. We had been given several times, went to a couple of them on Saturday night, and no one was in the parking lot. I don't know if the services had been moved to someone's home or something (as the times we were given were for a new start-up semi-emerging church service).
Needless to say, if you want to start a church, you should have a public way to communicate your meeting times. It should not reside solely with the pastor. In fact, a sign on the church would be a good idea. As it stands, PVCC (I know) receives a non-rating, because they couldn't even get us into the door.
Needless to say, if you want to start a church, you should have a public way to communicate your meeting times. It should not reside solely with the pastor. In fact, a sign on the church would be a good idea. As it stands, PVCC (I know) receives a non-rating, because they couldn't even get us into the door.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
"Bow String Closed, Use Arrow Drive"
This past weekend, as mentioned in my last post, we were able to go up to Sedona/Flagstaff. It was one of those kismet things. We thought we weren't able to because of finances, but then we landed a sweet deal - a friend of my in-laws has a condo in Sedona (on a golf course, of course) and said we could stay there no problem. So we ended up with about 3000 sq ft all to ourselves. We ate some good steak (sorry veggies, I like meat) at a random Route 66 themed steakhouse in Williams, some awesome pie at another place in Williams and slept like rocks (grin) on Saturday night. Spending time with Christian's family was a blessing. Even when our youngest nephew was squealing at the top of his lungs, it was refreshing to be around people we know care about us.
When we finally did have a chance to explore Sedona, the place was under construction making it feel inaccessible. We did check out Tlaquepaque, took a bunch of pictures (which we would totally upload if we could find our camera cable), and had a beer sampler at the brew house. Unfortunately it got to me, so much so that the elevation, dehydration and beer combination caused a migraine. It was the first time I ever saw flashing lights/sparkles with a migraine. Awesome.
A point of interest for us was the fact that everyone in Sedona was "comfortable." It was tourists and second (or seventh in the case of McCain) home owners. Everyone was very attractive, and no one really gave us a second look, or if they did, it was done covertly. It felt like Santa Barbara in many ways.
Needless to say, the return to Phoenix was a bit jarring. The heat not only bowled us over (Flagstaff being at 7000' was nearly COLD) but coming back to the apartment was depressing. Our stuff is still all over the place (by my standards). Many items (like my poor harp) haven't yet found their home. We still had no AC (although today we were given a window unit that has insufficient capacity to cool our entire apartment). Our refrigerator still doesn't seal. Our soap dish in the shower is still not cemented into the stall. We still don't have a vacuum (though the cost of a good vacuum is somewhat prohibitive) and I'm not sure how much good it will really do considering the mess the previous tenants left.
The only benefit to our return on Monday was meeting with a Christian couple who have connections to my dad's church in Santa Barbara. They were lovely and our conversation was encouraging. In fact, all of our dinner dates with couples in Phoenix have been somewhat encouraging. The only problem is they all live 45 minutes to an hour away. Sigh.
My favorite time in the day has become our pre-dinner prayer. It's helped to put things in perspective. Whether Christian or I are praying, we always try to emphasize the good parts of the day, and to re-frame the bad, thanking God for the whole thing.
So even when Bow String is closed (a road in Sedona), at least there's Arrow Drive.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Church Search 3: Lamb of God Bible Church
As I will note in a later posting, we were able to go north to Flagstaff to spend a weekend with Christian's parents and his sister's family. So instead of pursuing our church search in Phoenix, we were invited to go to our in-laws' church. At the outset I decided that no matter what the church was like, it would be helpful in determining exactly what we were looking for. I asked Corinna (my sister in-law) if it would be okay for me to blog about the church, and to my delight she said I should and to be completely honest and truthful.
Sweet.
After we were in the church, I was very thankful I had gotten her permission beforehand.
Lamb of God Bible Church is a charismatic nondenominational "Bible-believing" (whatever that means/implies... - it's posted on their website) church. The church is set in what looks to be a little strip-mall location, with a large banner sign on the front. We parked behind the building and then walked to the side (which I think is the alternative entry-way, though I didn't explore the premises).
When we went into the hallway, our youngest two nephews were siphoned off to Sunday school (or Junior Church - something of this type) while we entered the worship space (where praise songs were already being sung). My sister-in-law got a sticker for some political thing from the greeter (I didn't pay much attention at the time). Christian and I were introduced to the greeter without much fanfare. She didn't try to give me a sticker (good call on her part I think). We walked down one of the two side aisles to the aisle between the stage (where the worship band was) and the seating. There standing in this walkway was a group of teens singing and motioning along with the music rather spiritedly. We were then introduced to the pastor's wife, a petite woman with short very red hair. She was all smiles and obviously couldn't really hear what Corinna was saying, but she was welcoming despite.
We finally located a row which could accommodate us (which happened to be on the far left - irony of ironies - and to the front next to one of the music speakers). We promptly joined in with the singing which was led by a well-practiced band. The songs were simple, both in lyrics and melody, but seemed to cause quite emotional outpourings from the congregation. They were a little low on substance for my taste. Every now and then the pastor or a song leader would either pray or have a little talk about the songs. One of the prayers mentioned Satan and Jesus' blood covering Jesus' people. Needless to say, my eyebrows raised.
In between songs (and during) there were also many verbal outpourings from the congregation ("yes lord" "alleluia" or some personal prayers) which were accompanied by raised arms and palms or sometimes even kneeling (those young in the front). A couple of songs discussed blood, and one seemed more like a song meant for a lover, which I felt odd about.
The senior pastor at one point during this long praise-sing came up to us and Corinna introduced us. He was all smiles and very welcoming. At another mid-point we were instructed to hug 5 people and say hello/bless them. This was interesting, and worked fairly well. I hugged Christian and Elijah (who felt he needed to count his) and then hugged a couple of nearby women and one woman who was to the side with a walker in front of her. Everyone from the congregation were all smiles and again, surprise surprise, very welcoming. I think Christian saved himself some personal discomfort by extending his hand for a shake before some of the congregants could hug him. This was mildly entertaining to watch.
I should say, besides the band on stage, there were two projector screens, one on either side, a plexiglass podium in the middle, as well as 2 huge "Yes on 102" signs (again one on either side).
After the singing was finished, (or some other inbetween time) there was a profession of faith which seemed okay, so I recited it. Then the senior pastor (whose name I cannot remember because I'm not sure it was mentioned) gave a very complimentary introduction to the speaker (the junior pastor?) Daniel. Corinna told me that his father is a Baptist minister, so he could be long-winded. Hmm.
He started talking about all kinds of things. At first, he seemed to be alright. I couldn't argue with anything he was saying, at first. He was talking about how Jesus was the lawyer pleading our case, drawing out testimony from witnesses to set us free (this is a gross simplification, but it was hardly the bulk of his sermon so I won't spend very much time on this). He then transitioned into how he had a very serious topic to discuss and how he would likely step on people's toes.
This topic was Proposition 102. Seeing as we weren't really sure what that was, it was a bit ambiguous to us what he was getting at. It was pretty clear though after about five minutes. He started off saying that he thinks there are allusions to Jesus throughout the Old Testament (and went on to cite a few). He then mentioned how marriage is discussed throughout the Bible (beginning with Genesis, where he believes Jesus is first mentioned). Of course he mentioned "God created them, man and woman...". This led into a discussion of how society has gone astray and gone into clear rebellion which can be discerned by the fact that 85% of people (a number which came from somewhere I cannot begin to guess) find gay marriage to be acceptable (except he didn't use the word "gay" or even "homosexual" he always said "two men" or "two women"). He then went on to say that Massachusetts (thank GOD ONE STATE at LEAST has it right!) requires kindergartners to read a book called "Heather Has Two Mommies" (this was greeted by shocked sounds from the congregation). He also said that some say female and male genetics are very similar and therefore it's easy to see how homosexuality occurs. That of course implies God made people this way, which Daniel argued this is really not the case (the implication being that homosexuality iss some sort of disease or something). He stated that because as God's people we know the truth, we need to stand up and fight and share that truth (the truth being here that marriage should be between a man and a woman).
Daniel (glare) dropped the problem of same-sex marriage and then turned to problematic straight marriages (well at least he was giving equal air time). He said that 55% of marriages performed in churches end in divorce (again I have no idea where this number came from). He said people marry for the wrong reasons and don't enter into it in thoughtful contemplation (or something to that effect) and that he would not marry a couple he did not think ready (nor would the senior pastor).
He then discussed how the Church was likened to a bride and Jesus the groom, and how marriages between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN should be similar. This line of logic somehow got us to our marriages (that is any Christian's) is a reflection of our relationship with Jesus and God. Women are supposed to submit to their husbands, and men are supposed to submit to God. If your marriage is a mess, obviously your relationship with God is a mess.
He also said that because women in many marriages don't submit to their husbands, this was causes a lack of satisfaction in them, and this is the kind of thing that led to the feminist movement. If those women had submitted happily to their husbands, they wouldn't have felt the need... apparently.
He concluded that as people of faith, we needed to translate our beliefs to actions (otherwise they mean nothing, with which I can agree). So as Christians we need to "stand up and stand out". We need to listen to what God says to us, open our hearts, and take action (let me tell you I was feeling that statement right then like you couldn't believe).
At some point (which I can't recall) he talked about how Jesus was all we needed and with belief in him, profound miracles could occur (I think this was going back to a song sung during the praise time). He said he knew a lady who had been filled with cancer, and that she was told by doctors that she would die. He said the next time she went to the doctor, they scanned her and she was healed. This REALLY angered both Christian and I because we know so many wonderful people of faith who have died of all manner of illnesses etc "before their time". Someone like that, were they bad? Were they just not good enough? Ridiculous. We can't presume to know God's plan, or the reasons. We can only do and try our best. God takes the good and the bad and works beauty and majesty into this world ("crisis" can also mean "opportunity").
Well, the service was ended with an altar call, which after all the fanfare made me depressed as opposed to joyful (as everyone else was). In any case, a man came forward and they prayed over him etc.
*Deep Breath*
Okay, so basically this man, this awful misled man named Daniel, made me cry. Why did I cry in the middle of this service? Why did I feel the INCREDIBLE urge to WALK OUT (I didn't because we came with Corinna's family etc)?
He missed the boat. He totally missed the WHOLE POINT TO THE GOSPEL.
He ALSO missed discussing or THINKING about the WHOLE REASON FOR MARRIAGE.
Jesus was not a sacrifice. He was not a cow or an offering at a temple altar. His blood was not spilled over the altar or the devotees in some kind of ecstatic orgy. He died to show us the way. His whole message was one of PEACE and RADICAL LOVE. He hung out with PROSTITUTES, TAX COLLECTORS, LEPERS, and DEMONIACS. WHO DO YOU THINK THESE PEOPLE WOULD BE TODAY???? What do you REALLY think he would do? How do you think he would REALLY act here and now?
Homosexuality is not evil. Sorry, but it's not. It doesn't hurt people. It doesn't divide communities (at least not on it's own, hateful perverse homophobes do).
Each person is just that, a person, with their own personality traits, dreams, motivations, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Just as we can't make huge blanket statements about African Americans, Mexican Americans, disabled persons, and people with blue eyes, we cannot make blanket statements about gay/lesbian/bi/transexual people.
How would you feel if the person you loved was in the hospital and you were prevented from visiting them because only spouses and family were allowed in? How do you think it would feel, if because you had brown hair, and your boyfriend had blonde, you weren't allowed to get married? You could watch your friends of same hair color get married, but you couldn't. Why should we prevent loving, compassionate, productive relationships from becoming permanent? Do you think Jesus would say that we should prevent such beautiful things from being in this world? Because, obviously we don't need any more love in this world. We're doing great!
Our world is over-populated. Marriage in this time and place is not about copulation. Same-sex marriage cannot reproduce (unless through test-tubes, which is not exactly cheap or easy).
The argument that heterosexual marriage is best is just false. People are not committed to making things work the way they used to be. I've seen (sorry to step on anyone's toes) committed long-standing healthy relationships in gay couples while simultaneously seeing destructive, adulterous, short-lived relationships happen with straight couples. Hmm. You know, Jesus came right out and said divorce was a sin. I think that's more destructive to communities, children, and individuals involved than same-sex marriage.
As far as women submitting, let's just say that if anything is going to happen, marriage needs to be a partnership. It is not a singular submission - it is each submitting to the other, submitting to the identity of "couple" rather than "individual". One is not the head of the household. Not in this country and culture.
And if women not submitting is the cause of the women's movement (which one, by the way? because there's been a few waves...) and it really should never have happened, I am very concerned about Daniel's mental health. Has he realized that the 19th century ended a few years ago? Did he realize that the word in the original Jewish passage of Genesis is not "helpmate" (whatever the hell that is supposed to mean!) but translated literally is "savior". Yes, Eve was Adam's SAVIOR (thank you Church fathers writing women out of things! You guys are really freakin awesome!). I don't know about you ladies, but I'm pretty sure my husband would agree that I have saved his butt quite a few times, and damn it, it's my job. He'd be lost without me. I think you've had a similar experience, because frankly, it's true. I could continue this line of logic down through that whole story but I think you can draw the natural conclusion - the Tree of Knowledge and the result from eating the apple was a GOOD thing.
So where does this painful experience lie on our wine-bottle spectrum - Christian suggests "I don't spit, but there are exceptions." I have to agree, this was probably the worst experience I could have possibly had in a church setting, as we were basically told we were going to hell (in not so many words) about 30 different ways (Christian pipes in, "We were told how we're supposed to vote!").
If you're conservative, and you like the charismatic sort of thing... you might want to look into this. However, if you believe people should be loved, that there is one God (and not a lesser evil god outside of God's control by the name of 'Satan') and that the Bible is meant to be interpretted for the times, and Jesus' teachings are the standard by which you should measure things (NOT the O.T. or even Paul's letters for that matter) this is NOT the place for you.
May God use all bad experiences and turn them into positive things. May God take the ugly and turn it into beauty, and saddness into joy.
Amen.
Sweet.
After we were in the church, I was very thankful I had gotten her permission beforehand.
Lamb of God Bible Church is a charismatic nondenominational "Bible-believing" (whatever that means/implies... - it's posted on their website) church. The church is set in what looks to be a little strip-mall location, with a large banner sign on the front. We parked behind the building and then walked to the side (which I think is the alternative entry-way, though I didn't explore the premises).
When we went into the hallway, our youngest two nephews were siphoned off to Sunday school (or Junior Church - something of this type) while we entered the worship space (where praise songs were already being sung). My sister-in-law got a sticker for some political thing from the greeter (I didn't pay much attention at the time). Christian and I were introduced to the greeter without much fanfare. She didn't try to give me a sticker (good call on her part I think). We walked down one of the two side aisles to the aisle between the stage (where the worship band was) and the seating. There standing in this walkway was a group of teens singing and motioning along with the music rather spiritedly. We were then introduced to the pastor's wife, a petite woman with short very red hair. She was all smiles and obviously couldn't really hear what Corinna was saying, but she was welcoming despite.
We finally located a row which could accommodate us (which happened to be on the far left - irony of ironies - and to the front next to one of the music speakers). We promptly joined in with the singing which was led by a well-practiced band. The songs were simple, both in lyrics and melody, but seemed to cause quite emotional outpourings from the congregation. They were a little low on substance for my taste. Every now and then the pastor or a song leader would either pray or have a little talk about the songs. One of the prayers mentioned Satan and Jesus' blood covering Jesus' people. Needless to say, my eyebrows raised.
In between songs (and during) there were also many verbal outpourings from the congregation ("yes lord" "alleluia" or some personal prayers) which were accompanied by raised arms and palms or sometimes even kneeling (those young in the front). A couple of songs discussed blood, and one seemed more like a song meant for a lover, which I felt odd about.
The senior pastor at one point during this long praise-sing came up to us and Corinna introduced us. He was all smiles and very welcoming. At another mid-point we were instructed to hug 5 people and say hello/bless them. This was interesting, and worked fairly well. I hugged Christian and Elijah (who felt he needed to count his) and then hugged a couple of nearby women and one woman who was to the side with a walker in front of her. Everyone from the congregation were all smiles and again, surprise surprise, very welcoming. I think Christian saved himself some personal discomfort by extending his hand for a shake before some of the congregants could hug him. This was mildly entertaining to watch.
I should say, besides the band on stage, there were two projector screens, one on either side, a plexiglass podium in the middle, as well as 2 huge "Yes on 102" signs (again one on either side).
After the singing was finished, (or some other inbetween time) there was a profession of faith which seemed okay, so I recited it. Then the senior pastor (whose name I cannot remember because I'm not sure it was mentioned) gave a very complimentary introduction to the speaker (the junior pastor?) Daniel. Corinna told me that his father is a Baptist minister, so he could be long-winded. Hmm.
He started talking about all kinds of things. At first, he seemed to be alright. I couldn't argue with anything he was saying, at first. He was talking about how Jesus was the lawyer pleading our case, drawing out testimony from witnesses to set us free (this is a gross simplification, but it was hardly the bulk of his sermon so I won't spend very much time on this). He then transitioned into how he had a very serious topic to discuss and how he would likely step on people's toes.
This topic was Proposition 102. Seeing as we weren't really sure what that was, it was a bit ambiguous to us what he was getting at. It was pretty clear though after about five minutes. He started off saying that he thinks there are allusions to Jesus throughout the Old Testament (and went on to cite a few). He then mentioned how marriage is discussed throughout the Bible (beginning with Genesis, where he believes Jesus is first mentioned). Of course he mentioned "God created them, man and woman...". This led into a discussion of how society has gone astray and gone into clear rebellion which can be discerned by the fact that 85% of people (a number which came from somewhere I cannot begin to guess) find gay marriage to be acceptable (except he didn't use the word "gay" or even "homosexual" he always said "two men" or "two women"). He then went on to say that Massachusetts (thank GOD ONE STATE at LEAST has it right!) requires kindergartners to read a book called "Heather Has Two Mommies" (this was greeted by shocked sounds from the congregation). He also said that some say female and male genetics are very similar and therefore it's easy to see how homosexuality occurs. That of course implies God made people this way, which Daniel argued this is really not the case (the implication being that homosexuality iss some sort of disease or something). He stated that because as God's people we know the truth, we need to stand up and fight and share that truth (the truth being here that marriage should be between a man and a woman).
Daniel (glare) dropped the problem of same-sex marriage and then turned to problematic straight marriages (well at least he was giving equal air time). He said that 55% of marriages performed in churches end in divorce (again I have no idea where this number came from). He said people marry for the wrong reasons and don't enter into it in thoughtful contemplation (or something to that effect) and that he would not marry a couple he did not think ready (nor would the senior pastor).
He then discussed how the Church was likened to a bride and Jesus the groom, and how marriages between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN should be similar. This line of logic somehow got us to our marriages (that is any Christian's) is a reflection of our relationship with Jesus and God. Women are supposed to submit to their husbands, and men are supposed to submit to God. If your marriage is a mess, obviously your relationship with God is a mess.
He also said that because women in many marriages don't submit to their husbands, this was causes a lack of satisfaction in them, and this is the kind of thing that led to the feminist movement. If those women had submitted happily to their husbands, they wouldn't have felt the need... apparently.
He concluded that as people of faith, we needed to translate our beliefs to actions (otherwise they mean nothing, with which I can agree). So as Christians we need to "stand up and stand out". We need to listen to what God says to us, open our hearts, and take action (let me tell you I was feeling that statement right then like you couldn't believe).
At some point (which I can't recall) he talked about how Jesus was all we needed and with belief in him, profound miracles could occur (I think this was going back to a song sung during the praise time). He said he knew a lady who had been filled with cancer, and that she was told by doctors that she would die. He said the next time she went to the doctor, they scanned her and she was healed. This REALLY angered both Christian and I because we know so many wonderful people of faith who have died of all manner of illnesses etc "before their time". Someone like that, were they bad? Were they just not good enough? Ridiculous. We can't presume to know God's plan, or the reasons. We can only do and try our best. God takes the good and the bad and works beauty and majesty into this world ("crisis" can also mean "opportunity").
Well, the service was ended with an altar call, which after all the fanfare made me depressed as opposed to joyful (as everyone else was). In any case, a man came forward and they prayed over him etc.
*Deep Breath*
Okay, so basically this man, this awful misled man named Daniel, made me cry. Why did I cry in the middle of this service? Why did I feel the INCREDIBLE urge to WALK OUT (I didn't because we came with Corinna's family etc)?
He missed the boat. He totally missed the WHOLE POINT TO THE GOSPEL.
He ALSO missed discussing or THINKING about the WHOLE REASON FOR MARRIAGE.
Jesus was not a sacrifice. He was not a cow or an offering at a temple altar. His blood was not spilled over the altar or the devotees in some kind of ecstatic orgy. He died to show us the way. His whole message was one of PEACE and RADICAL LOVE. He hung out with PROSTITUTES, TAX COLLECTORS, LEPERS, and DEMONIACS. WHO DO YOU THINK THESE PEOPLE WOULD BE TODAY???? What do you REALLY think he would do? How do you think he would REALLY act here and now?
Homosexuality is not evil. Sorry, but it's not. It doesn't hurt people. It doesn't divide communities (at least not on it's own, hateful perverse homophobes do).
Each person is just that, a person, with their own personality traits, dreams, motivations, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Just as we can't make huge blanket statements about African Americans, Mexican Americans, disabled persons, and people with blue eyes, we cannot make blanket statements about gay/lesbian/bi/transexual people.
How would you feel if the person you loved was in the hospital and you were prevented from visiting them because only spouses and family were allowed in? How do you think it would feel, if because you had brown hair, and your boyfriend had blonde, you weren't allowed to get married? You could watch your friends of same hair color get married, but you couldn't. Why should we prevent loving, compassionate, productive relationships from becoming permanent? Do you think Jesus would say that we should prevent such beautiful things from being in this world? Because, obviously we don't need any more love in this world. We're doing great!
Our world is over-populated. Marriage in this time and place is not about copulation. Same-sex marriage cannot reproduce (unless through test-tubes, which is not exactly cheap or easy).
The argument that heterosexual marriage is best is just false. People are not committed to making things work the way they used to be. I've seen (sorry to step on anyone's toes) committed long-standing healthy relationships in gay couples while simultaneously seeing destructive, adulterous, short-lived relationships happen with straight couples. Hmm. You know, Jesus came right out and said divorce was a sin. I think that's more destructive to communities, children, and individuals involved than same-sex marriage.
As far as women submitting, let's just say that if anything is going to happen, marriage needs to be a partnership. It is not a singular submission - it is each submitting to the other, submitting to the identity of "couple" rather than "individual". One is not the head of the household. Not in this country and culture.
And if women not submitting is the cause of the women's movement (which one, by the way? because there's been a few waves...) and it really should never have happened, I am very concerned about Daniel's mental health. Has he realized that the 19th century ended a few years ago? Did he realize that the word in the original Jewish passage of Genesis is not "helpmate" (whatever the hell that is supposed to mean!) but translated literally is "savior". Yes, Eve was Adam's SAVIOR (thank you Church fathers writing women out of things! You guys are really freakin awesome!). I don't know about you ladies, but I'm pretty sure my husband would agree that I have saved his butt quite a few times, and damn it, it's my job. He'd be lost without me. I think you've had a similar experience, because frankly, it's true. I could continue this line of logic down through that whole story but I think you can draw the natural conclusion - the Tree of Knowledge and the result from eating the apple was a GOOD thing.
So where does this painful experience lie on our wine-bottle spectrum - Christian suggests "I don't spit, but there are exceptions." I have to agree, this was probably the worst experience I could have possibly had in a church setting, as we were basically told we were going to hell (in not so many words) about 30 different ways (Christian pipes in, "We were told how we're supposed to vote!").
If you're conservative, and you like the charismatic sort of thing... you might want to look into this. However, if you believe people should be loved, that there is one God (and not a lesser evil god outside of God's control by the name of 'Satan') and that the Bible is meant to be interpretted for the times, and Jesus' teachings are the standard by which you should measure things (NOT the O.T. or even Paul's letters for that matter) this is NOT the place for you.
May God use all bad experiences and turn them into positive things. May God take the ugly and turn it into beauty, and saddness into joy.
Amen.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Beyond Hoopla & Disappointment: Some Election Rhetoric
I haven't written very much about politics here. The subject is almost as difficult for me as religion (though somehow I got over that barrier with flying colors). I have written this in response to a note on Facebook (yes yes...I know) and the prompting of an interesting editorial.
There's been quite a lot of talk about all manner of things regarding our current presidential nominees and their vice-presidential picks. I'm not very good about making comments on the political parties (I don't feel either one of them speaks for me, which is why I am registered with neither), and I won't claim to have some sort of hand on the pulse of the times (or even my generation). I will only say this: there are some realities which can be deduced from my seat, or any person possessing some common sense and a bit of logical reasoning.
I will make a confession. I know and expect some people to vote for McCain. Some people it's a level of commitment to the Republican party (in the same way my mother's family is committed to the Democratic party - if I voted Republican EVER I would likely be disowned). For others it has to do with the Religious Right contingent (though I must confess I feel like that group is putting the cart before the horse on important issues and I strongly suggest a re-examination of the NEW COVENANT!). Still others have the die-hard dream of a small government (as if that would happen any time soon with our 1984esque Neo-Cons) and so hold fast to the traditional line of economic liberalism and localization.There's been quite a lot of talk about all manner of things regarding our current presidential nominees and their vice-presidential picks. I'm not very good about making comments on the political parties (I don't feel either one of them speaks for me, which is why I am registered with neither), and I won't claim to have some sort of hand on the pulse of the times (or even my generation). I will only say this: there are some realities which can be deduced from my seat, or any person possessing some common sense and a bit of logical reasoning.
- Elections in a democratic republic should be about the population voting for the candidate who is best for the country, geography, locale etc.
- There are certain issues which are more important than others, some of which can be affected by decisions at the federal level. Decisions at the federal level in these issues will have a direct impact on everyone's lives. I'm thinking in this case of war, health-care, social security, and the economy (read more specifically: our trade deficit and our GROSS national debt).
- It is in our best interest, as a country, and as people, to vote for a candidate who will use good judgment in his (or her) decision-making process. That is, he or she will use a combination of expert advisors, care, reason, deliberation, consideration, and experience to cast these judgments. It is the correct balance of these attributes that will guide us through the next four years.
- It is in our interest to educate ourselves about the candidates as resources and time permit.
- It is in our interest to educate ourselves regarding these important issues and how the current state of affairs is impacting people's lives. We can, logically and soundly see just by viewing an American newspaper, understand that the economy is "tanking." We can see how poor decision-making processes have impacted the lives of military families (as well as the lives of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and Afghans). These things are obvious even to a poorly informed person. It's not rocket science. We're hated the world over.
- I have to say it because it has been bothering me to NO END. The current Republican candidate is NOT a family values man. He is DIVORCED. He met his current wife WHILE HE WAS MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMAN.... He is RICH. He has multiple properties. How can he possibly speak for the average American? How can he possibly know what's going on with people? This party is not a party of the people - it's a party for corporations!!! The Democrats aren't much better, but they are SLIGHTLY better. They have at least tried to address health-care. The Democratic candidate has worked with people laid off from their jobs, where corporations have up and left. He is a self-made man. He has had ONE WIFE. He HAS NOT TAKEN HUGE CORPORATE BUY-OFFS (unlike the Republican candidate). His campaign has been funded by grass-roots donations.
- Beyond the more substantive qualities, I must also confess an addiction to the great orator. Obama (yes, there I've said it) can SPEAK. He has the chutzpah required of a leader (and with an even temperament as well as in no danger of dementia!). Who wants a wooden man with the onset of dementia and possibly death (let's not get into the VP conversation. I have to agree with a BET commentator that Biden is definitely "gangsta" and is a senator of incredible integrity AND experience).
I have to divulge just one more thing - when I expect someone to vote for Obama and they confess they're voting for McCain I feel an overwhelming disappointment and loss of faith in that person. So, if you are more of a private person, do let me have my delusions. I'd rather you never spoke.
Lastly, do take a moment to consider the past 8 years. Do we really want another of THAT?!?!?! If it goes that way this November I will think one or several of the following will be the case:
- I will move to Canada and change my citizenship. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll become European.
- I will have lost faith with humanity (though I'm not sure I had much faith in the masses at the start).
- World War 3 is about to begin.
- Terrorism really will have a permanent foot-hold in the Middle-East and elsewhere.
- I will be expecting a perfect red heifer (if you don't know, you don't need to...really, but just see below).
- The Ultra-Right have it correct. It really is the End of Times.
- I will pray several more times daily.
May everything in this time, even the worst and the disappointing be used by God to bring joy, peace, and compassionate love (and perhaps greater thoughtfulness).
-A
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Church Search 2: The Failed Attempt
Well, here we are again. Another week gone by and another few inquiries into neighborhood churches. Unfortunately our attempt this morning was foiled. I had, in our second week here, searched newspapers and internet sites for things to do in a desperate attempt to stem our tide of boredom (as we searched semi-successfully for jobs and household items). I came across a Craigslist posting by a seemingly disaffected pastor who was interested in starting a younger group service of an apparently emergent persuasion. So I emailed him and quickly got a response telling us about two possible times for worship every weekend. Seeing that his church was rather close (18 minutes according to Google Maps is close in Phoenix) Christian and I decided we'd try the 12pm Sunday gathering. Either lines got crossed or the gathering died aborning because we arrived at 12 sharp and NO ONE was there. The church was locked and there was not a car in the lot. *Sigh* This was more unfortunate for us because we were unable to attend the typical church, as most have service before 12 (think: 9:30 to 10 am range).
Instead we drove down Greenway towards an undetermined lunch location. On our drive we saw numerous suburban churches - at least one Chinese, one Korean, and another compound which was called an Indian Mission (Native American, not subcontinental). We saw one church which had posted a 6:30 pm service time, and the building did not appear to be a large scary type. On Greenway at least, the churches said nothing of fire, brimstone, or Satan on their signs.
Christian and I did make an attempt to contact a youth pastor with connections to my father's church... and after our initial email, I called only to get a voicemail and no return call.
Needless to say, we're rather discouraged. It feels as if there is water everywhere, but there is no living water. Apparently Arizona is a desert in more ways than one. Maybe this shouldn't be a surprise considering that a person can walk into a grocery store and see numerous civilians visibly carrying guns. I don't have to mention the current Republican presidential bastion of morality was produced here.
Phoenix is a large city and there are many churches, colleges, and ethnicities represented here. But it is still a city in Arizona and Arizona is wild, and in many ways Republican. Large multinational companies have corporate offices and manufacturing facilities here. There are sufficient wealthy suburbs to satisfy at least the nouveau riche type, if not blue-bloods.
However there is one good thing, which is somewhat related to religion. Sportsbars here are devoted to certain teams. We found one by chance that is devoted to Green Bay and ate dinner while watching their first game. If only we could find the Steelers' bar...
Monday, September 08, 2008
Church Search 1: Beatitudes Sat 5:00
This is the first of our Church Search review entries. If you ever decide to move to Phoenix, I hope this will be useful information for you. If you never come to Phoenix, I hope it will at least be entertaining. Churches will be rated on the "wine scale." 1 bottle is basically a temple of moneychangers, 5 bottles is "not doing harm, but your not doing anything for us," and 10 bottles is the wedding feast at Cana (aka AWESOME and likely the winner of our search).
Our first church worship experience was at the Church of the Beatitudes' Saturday 5 pm service. The church is in a prime location on the corner of W. Glendale and N. 7th Avenue. It caught my eye because it is a UCC church which I know to be a particularly theologically liberal denomination and the name (which focuses on Jesus' sermon on the mount and issues of social justice). We decided to attend the 5 pm service because we thought it would be slightly more contemporary and have younger faces in the congregation.
I was surprised by the size of the property (large by Santa Barbara standards) equipped with numerous task specific buildings. It was clear by the demographics even in the parking lot that it was a liberal church (think: Castro Street). Fortunately they had placed clear signage instructing newcomers where to go for the service (as it would have been easy to get lost). I was pleased to see a homeless man comfortably listening to his boom box in front of the Sunday morning sanctuary.
When we entered the fellowship hall, a square room with a stage, high ceilings, and stain glass windows depicting theologians across the ages, we were immediately greeted by the female pastor. I was pleased (and not surprised) to see a female pastor. After that another man greeted us (he had an earring, again not surprising) and directed us to sit wherever we liked. There was a meal (potluck, maybe?) tables, and couches. Around the space were displays depicting and explaining a number of different ministries in which members participated or the church sponsored. The ones I noticed addressed poverty, age, and the environment. In addition, there was a large banner displaying the Toastmasters' group awards (apparently a Toastmasters group meets there regularly). We were given 8.5 x 11" sized booklets talking about the ministries, the service, and other random church items.
We sat down on a couch. The man who greeted us upon entrance sat next to us. Another man came over and introduced himself right before the service started, but it was unclear who he was and he only said his name very quietly right before jettisoning away.
The members were mostly older, with a few young faces (who looked to be in high school as opposed to attending on their own steam). They had a projector and a younger looking man operating the computer attached , but he was sitting boredly in front, in plain view of everyone.
A woman stood up behind a mic and a man stood next to her at another mic. They told everyone to stand and gestured for people to clap (good luck with an Anglo crowd!). The music was recorded. Hmm. The next few songs were led by the woman singing and the man played the piano. There was no apparent theme to the subject in the songs or the images on the screen. The images during the prayers and readings changed and did not appear to be related to one another.
The scripture was from Exodus. Snore. The reader gave an editorial speech beforehand as if anyone in the crowd wasn't churched. Uh huh. This seems like a brimestone passage as opposed to the kind of theological meal I was expecting from a UCC church. Hmm. Both of us checked out during that whole deal.
There was communion by intinction, which I took feeling like I needed to in order to participate in some normal church ritual (I did receive the requisite stares for being someone different as I walked down the center aisle).
Finally the jettison man got up and sat in front of everyone. Apparently he is the co-pastor (I wonder is it a married couple? It's not clear from the booklet they gave out). Before he speaks he has a preview for a movie with one of the Owen brothers in it. It looks like a movie I'd like to see. He then goes on to tell a long seemingly unrelated story about some experience he had with a member from another pastorate. He takes a long time trying to tie the movie preview, the scripture, and his ridiculously long and complicated story together.
I know everyone has an off week - my dad always quoted his seminary preaching professor who said you have 1 amazing, 2 good to okay, and 1 terrible sermon per month. I know I've been spoiled by two amazing Baptist preachers as parents, but still. This was bad. He mentioned he had a doctorate in counseling. I think he should stick to that. We both decided we wanted to hear the woman preach, and we had no idea what she would be like.
At the end of the service the jettison pastor gave some benedictory words. Thinking it was over I tell Christian we should leave. Nope - not yet. There's their traditional semi-circle SUNG benediction (which I might add has NOTHING to do with anything that's occurred in the service, but perhaps it was their bid at liturgy maintenance). At this, I'm stuck in the semi-circle next to the inspired reader, and Christian is next to jettison pastor. Inspired reader informs me it's tradition. I got that from the song leader who directed us into the semi-circle, thanks. Christian told me later the pastor APOLOGIZED, "but it's tradition." He shook our hands and thanked us for coming. We promptly bolted (think the Jamaican runner from Beijing).
Sooo... it seemed like this service was a poor attempt at trying to appeal to the emerging church, but really was only speaking to the Boomer generation already in attendance. The church seems to be doing some wonderful things, and is clearly socially minded. Unfortunately the worship experience sucked. "It was like a junior high sunday school experience." So how many wine bottles does this get? We'll give them 6 bottles because their hearts were in the right place and they aren't detrimental in any way. Remember, this is a rating based SOLELY on the Saturday 5 pm service. We have NO IDEA what Sunday morning is like. Attend at your discretion. And by all means volunteer with these people, because it seems like they have a lot of enthusiasm for living Jesus' message just based on their community involvement displays.
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